Jenny

Other Girls

2012-01-26T10:58:00.003Z

Being a girl is difficult, being around other girls is even more, especially for long periods of time.

I'm supposed to put up with mood swings, tempers, insecurities, paranoia, suspicions, excessive emotions and yes, even bitching turns annoying sometimes. Why must it be the concern of the whole world that she's throwing a little tantrum?

Better off alone... Or with guys.

Alone But Not Lonely

2012-01-14T16:12:00.003Z

Sometimes it's hard to talk to people.

And it's during those times that I like to resort to talking to myself. Because you will never judge yourself like other people tend to do. You can be as completely honest and unreasonable as you like.

The soft caress of French songs by Carla Bruni helping in the process of being alone.

And this, frankly, feels absolutely serene and comforting. Like floating face up in the middle of a blue open sea, with its swaying currents wrapping you in a warm embrace.

A Classic Romance

2011-12-09T14:42:00.003Z

I am still so consumed by this film, I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this on the plane back home from London. Have been re-playing some of my favourite scenes through youtube, but I certainly need to watch the entire film again. It even motivates me to read the book, and at the risk of sounding incredibly shallow, I don't get convinced to read literary books very easily.

I actually saw the trailer way before, but it portrayed the film to be something more haunting and depressing than a romance story, so I decided to give it a pass. But seeing that it was showing on the plane and that I would not pay to watch it anywhere else, I gave it a try.

And I gladly ate my words and loved the film so much. It was so refreshing, especially the kind of subtle romance of the olden era. How I loathe the sexually-obsessed nature of romance films nowadays. Gosh, I absolutely fell for Mr. Rochester! Michael Fassbender was stunningly convincing. Who cares if my vision of an ideal man just rocketed to 'completely unrealistic'...

Furthermore, the soundtrack for the film was absolutely amazing, perfect for the type of romance. Dario Marianelli (also featuring Jack Liebeck) must be some kind of musical genius because even listening to one of the soundtracks now invokes so many emotions inside of me. Awaken is particularly beautiful. I loved the music so much that I stayed on the film throughout the credits because it was just that captivating.

Anyway, I would highly recommend the film, and Mia Wasikowska is now officially one of my favourite actresses. On top of the maturity of her acting, I love her unique look that seems to fit in so well with the character of Jane Eyre. And isn't it a nice change not to see Keira Knightley in yet another 19th Century British romance?

Decisions Decisions

2011-11-16T22:31:00.005Z

Hello, it's been a while hasn't it?

Always seem to come back here at times when I most shouldn't. Times of stress and loneliness. Actually I'm just really tired. I'm nevertheless content, but I'm exhausted with everything.

Been to a bunch of presentations by firms in the past few days, and have had several sleepless nights pondering over my future. The opportunities are exciting and daunting at the same time.

Choices and decisions seem to be an inescapable part of life. Private firm or public sector? UK or Singapore? Prestige or practicality? Fame or fortune?

Damn it, I just wished I wasn't so bloody indecisive.

One Girl, Big House

2011-09-30T04:46:00.002+01:00

I've been emailing and texting a ton of people about my first day back here. In a way, I feel so alone here right now, that I just need some sort of reply to my problems. Maybe that's why I didn't think to blog when I was bawling my eyes out last night. I already feel lonely enough.

Anyway it's 4.50am now, which means its 11.50am in Singapore. Which probably explains why I woke up (not that I even got much sleep in the first place). I can't even busy myself with packing because it is impossible for me to find my boxes here. And impossible for me to try and get them in that pile with everyone else's. I can't even find my utensils for food. I want a hot coffee so badly.

Argh enough about my stupid pathetic first day. Today's a new day, and after a hell lot of ranting on emails and somewhat getting a bit of sleep, I'm not too upset anymore. Today's gonna be a much much better day because most of my housemates are coming in. Which means we can fumble over all these stupid things together.

Definitely appreciate the importance of company now.

Summer Ends

2011-09-28T05:32:00.003+01:00

Last day at home before my flight tonight.

I feel a sense of calm. I'm ready to start the new school year; new house and just a different experience all together.

Summer has been fantastic. My wonderfully loving family, awesome close friends, eating and shopping and eating some more. I'm starting to realise Singapore will always feel like home to me. Even though initially there was some getting used to when I arrived, Singapore will eventually always feel like home. And I'm coming home so soon (during Christmas), it almost feels as though I'm just leaving for a vacation.

Oh well, now back to the cold gloomy British weather!

It's a change and I'm ready for more adventure (:

Down And Hurt

2011-09-24T15:23:00.007+01:00

Things are kind of crumbling in these few days before I'm going back to the UK.

Yesterday, while Sharifah was at my place for a sleepover, my dog bit my wrist pretty hard. And it was such a sudden attack while I was calmly patting him. Oh well, it's not the first time. Anyway, this morning when I woke up, my right hand was numb and the wrist swelled to the size of a baseball. A red baseball in fact. And the bite wounds all had disgusting yellow pass oozing out of them. I can barely feel my fingers and use my right hand at all. Wondering if I should go see a doctor or if this is just part of the healing process? I hope this heals in time:S

And later, to my family's amazement, I still gave Scrappy a nice relaxing comb in the evening.

I don't blame him for acting on his animal instincts really... But other things just made everything worse.

In the afternoon today, I decided to go get a quick trimming of my hair, just to get an inch off my hair and maybe neaten up my bangs a bit. And oh my god, seriously, I think hairdressers should all just shut up and listen and stop thinking that they know better, because they DON'T! That annoying woman cut so much off my hair, that its at a horribly awkward shoulder-ish length!!! AND she freaking cut off SO MUCH of my bangs, I look like an idiotic china doll. The ones with extremely short bangs that go above their eyebrows. WTF SERIOUSLY?!?! Does she not know the meaning of TRIMMING?!?! I knew I should have just asked her to stay away from my bangs. I exited the hair salon nearly in tears and with all my fringe clipped up.

So yes, I had this amazing vision of me feeling totally renewed and rocking awesome new bangs as I went back to the UK and started this new year of school, but now that's clearly down the drain. I don't know if the wounds will heal fast enough, my hair makes me look like shit and to add to the crappiness, my face is breaking out with some acne. Fuck hormones.

So more than ever, I don't want to go back now. I'm absolutely not ready. I want to stay at home where I can heal my face and let my hair grow back to normal without having to face the world yet. I want to stay here, where my mum would gently nurse my wound in the morning, where my dad would pack meals back for me cos he knows I don't feel good leaving the house, and where my brother would crack silly jokes just to cheer me up. And I know he caused me to be in this world of pain in my hand now, but I don't want to leave Scrappy. That furry, loving dog that will look at me with those teary puppy-dog eyes and bury his head into my lap, almost as if he was sorry for what he did to me.

I don't want to leave my home. I'm not ready to be alone right now ):

Machu Picchu

2011-09-22T06:14:00.012+01:00

When they release lyrics and artworks like this, is it any wonder why The Strokes are my favourite band in the world?

Awkwardly Cool

2011-07-22T16:39:00.000+01:00

[MGMT - Flash Delirium]

I remember when I first heard this song and thought it was just another boring electro-pop tune. But there was something that kept drawing me back to it and the more I listened to it, the more complex the beats and rhythms became and I've been addicted ever since(:

P.S. It most certainly helps if one didn't watch the music video for the song before first listening to the song. I initially found myself bombarded with too many strange visuals that just distracted me from the music.

But in any case, yes it's a rather weird video.

Awkward

2011-07-22T16:20:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure where I got this idea from, but I've always thought it was good to be awkwardly cool.

Maybe it's those 'inspirational' stories of high school weirdos that turned out to be so successful later in life. Or maybe it's the recent MGMT musical influences (seriously, how do those boys make strange music sound sooo good?) But in any case, I've always thought that being unique and different was cool. Perhaps I was just justifying my own awkwardness or purely making myself feel better.

But as much as I always try to tell myself that, when I am actually in that uncomfortable position in reality, it's not so easy to be so confident in my own awkwardness. When I am around a bunch of strangers, and especially when they're already in a group of their own, I am this embarassed and soft-spoken girl, highly insecure about her appearance and her lack of ability to be outgoing and sociable. I usually feel like running away and hiding in an enclosed space.

I don't know, it's not exactly that I'm shy. In a way, I just prefer not to be in that awkward position. It's only in more comfortable situations do I really open up and become more confident, like the things I've done in the past; theatre, debate (okay I didn't do so well in that one!), class chairperson and public presentations.

That's why I hate orientations. I hate the kind of weird, insecure person I become in orientations. And before my warwick orientation experience (which was so strangely pleasant), I've never had a pleasant orientation experience.

After all that is said, I just hope I adapt quickly into the office during my internship the week after next. Fingers crossed, I don't turn into the office's shy weirdo.

Wish me luck(:

Good To Be Back

2011-07-07T08:39:00.001+01:00

I'm home. I've been back home for a while now and of course that feels good.

Everything is so familiar again. This house, those streets and of course the people surrounding me. Everything just falls back into their old familiar place.

Yet as familiar as everything seems to be, I feel different. I feel awkward. It is almost as if this is an entirely separate life from a life I have led for the past few months. This is the Singapore me, and after a while, I will be going back to the UK me. This feels awkward.

Putting my personal reflections on the nitty-gritty aside, I'm glad to be back. I've missed home.

Things I have missed about Singapore:

My family. I have forgotten to appreciate just how natural I can be around them. How non-judgemental they can be and how I don't feel the need to have to prove anything when I am with them. Not forgetting my dad's priceless sense of humour, my mum's concerned motherly-ness and my little brother's annoying stubborness when we talk about new music and "young people" stuff.
My friends, good friends that is. Let's be honest, I don't have alot of friends. So it's just nice to get connected to the lives of my good friends here. It's nice to be able to have the option of going out with friends. Oh my, I sound quite pathetic! Haha. Anyway, I feel much less lonely now.
FOOD! The variety and the price of food! As much as I love the baguettes and paninis I get in the UK, for those same 3 pounds, I can get a proper meal with rice or noodles. And I can even choose the kind of cuisine from such a wide variety. Living alone has also made me appreciate the convenience of getting food in Singapore. No slaving over the stove for one measly meal while I'm back!

On the other hand, I've kind of missed my life back in the UK:/

Things I miss about the UK:

My independence. Not needing to answer to anyone and to be able to do anything I wanted. If I wanted to have ice cream for breakfast, I could. If I came home at 1am, no one was gonna care. I really felt that I had 100% full control over my life.
The cool weather and changing seasons. I hate humidity and those hot and humid days here can just kill me. I loved being able to layer clothes and wear scarves in the UK, and walk for miles without breaking a sweat. And I have to say, the changing of seasons is quite exciting. Everyone starts wearing a new wardrobe, and days are just so different. The air and the surroundings just change and make me feel different.
The friendliness. I think this is only especially in a smaller town like Coventry. Because in London, people weren't very friendly either. Worse so for Singapore. It was quite a rude shock when I first came back, but I guess I'm somewhat used to it now. It's amazing how cities can just make people so incredibly cranky and rude. People working in service don't greet you, people don't apologise and they certainly don't smile. The tall skyscapers and concrete walls are seriously destroying our humanity...

Anyway, I am not complaining. There's always the good and the bad wherever I choose to live.

For now, I'm home and I'm really content(:

"Last Nite"

2011-06-24T00:41:00.005+01:00

Moving out is so exciting, yet so saddening.

To think that I still feel like I just arrived here, moving into my student accommodation, moving to the UK. In fact, that might have only been several blog posts back. And now I'm done with my first year of university and packing up to a new home. And now, I'm going back to Singapore for the summer(: The REAL home.

How time flies...

This Too Shall Pass

2011-06-05T18:55:00.004+01:00

"All material conditions, positive or negative, are only temporary"

Self-motivation is so difficult. Because as much as you try to say encouraging things to yourself, your thoughts are still within you, and they know that that's just a lie.

Anxiety hitting me like a ton of bricks. What's going on?

My last two papers were actually quite pleasant. Or lucky I should say, since my "risks" turned out to work. But the next few papers are... Hmm.

"Come on Jen, it's just one more bloody week!"

Yet I'm not any more comforted by that.

See I told you, self-motivation just doesn't work.

It's All In The Mind

2011-06-03T00:01:00.006+01:00

This is bad.

It's midnight. I've had three naps today and I'm still tired. My skin is breaking out like crazy. I've been constantly snacking. I've logged in and out of facebook like at least 10 times. And I've only covered one topic the whole freaking day... Oh great, and now I'm blogging. And my exam is in ONE DAY.

Oh brain of mine...What's wrong with you):

Help...

Gandalf Says...

2011-05-28T16:15:00.001+01:00

Thanks for the motivation, old wise one...

One thing about stressful moments is that it usually leads me to discover really really good music. Feel-good tunes from Arctic Monkeys, the Libertines and of course as always, the Strokes, are the only things keeping my brain from exploding.

If only property law was available in the tune of "Last Nite".
Dang, I would thoroughly know the lyrics to that song(:

Behind These Bars

2011-05-19T20:27:00.000+01:00

I think I have a good feeling of what it feels like to be in prison.

This place is becoming like a jail cell. I have the essentials to survive, all in a reasonably sized box. I go out for the occasional meal times and maybe on good days, I get outdoor time. But most of the time, I'm bound to this place. Even worse, I'm bound to this desk.

I'm probably in the worst kind of prison cell, because I have been shackled. Shackled not by heavy metal chains, but by heavy responsibilities of studies. They are binding me, binding every bit of my mind. Even when I pretend that I am free, I'm not. Even when I think that I deserve the day off, I don't. They might give me some room to breathe, some room to wander, but at the end of the day, they're still here.

On rare moments I might feel free, but until I finish my sentence, I will never be free. These shackles, they continue to bind me.

"Inspiration" from two days of Criminal Law revision...

I Try But You See, It's Hard To Explain

2011-05-08T16:55:00.005+01:00

What is WRONG with me?

I can't finish my revision for the day, and yet, I have time to waste doing silly stupid things.

Random day dreams about dropping out of law school scare me, yet I can't seem to do anything about it. It's me, it's just me being lazy old me. I've got an excuse for every lazy bone in my body.

This is sooooo frustrating):

May

2011-05-01T11:36:00.006+01:00

Today is the 1st of May, which usually starts off my countdown to my birthday.

Except this year, I'm dreading it. It's like I'm just one person, trying to stop this huge boulder as it's rolling down hill. I can try my very best to prolong it, but inevitably, that 20th mark is going to come rolling down. I think that's what growing old is like.

Hitting that two-zero mark has really got me thinking about life, my life so far and my future. From now on, everything I do, I will be seen as an adult. You can say, "Oh look at that youthful 19 year old!". No one says "Oh look at that youthful 20 year old". It just doesn't fit anymore. Being 19 was so enjoyable for me. Legal enough to be cool about it, yet young enough to get away with anything. 19 is good, I want to stay 19 forever.

It has me thinking about the events that have happened in the last decade. And woahhh, ALOT has happened. There's just way too much to say from when I was 10 till now when I'm turning 20! Where do I even begin!? But I would think that it was my prime decade. Growing up and learning so much about life. Becoming the person I am today.

And then it has me thinking about the events that are (maybe) going to happen. Graduation, the end of life as a student ( sad): ), working life, moving out of my family home, setting the path of my life, and uh ohhh, potentially getting married. I've been thinking about that alot too (with the royal wedding rubbing it in everyone's faces), and I've realised. From now on, every relationship could be a potential marriage. (That is probably THE line that would scare all guys away!) But it's true! No more high school crushes and flings (not that I had any). It's serious love from your 20s onwards. And I really don't want to end up settling for someone just because I'm getting old. But then again, if you end the relationship especially a long one, wouldn't you have wasted the good part of your twenties? I don't want to get married when I'm 40):

Oh my god... This is depressing.

Look forward Jen. Think positive.

Anyway, so now I'm entering a new decade, and I want to begin this decade with a goal in mind. I don't really have a proper goal yet, but I just want the 30 year old me (OH MY GAWD 30, I get chills just thinking about that) to look back at this decade I am about to embark on, and say, "Jen, you really nailed that decade."

Judging You Judging Me

2011-04-17T21:17:00.007+01:00

"Don't give up. It's just the weight of the world..."

Listening to sappy Josh Groban songs can only do so much.

When you start talking to yourself about your problems, that's when you know you're going a little crazy. Or it's just time to get in touch with the world again, make friends maybe.

But the world can be so judgemental sometimes. And when I truly need comforting, I don't need another person judging me, nor should I be worrying about what the world thinks of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed right now. I'm neutral, maybe too neutral.

Sigh, I don't know.

All this writing of essays on how law can't solve environmental issues and how tort law is inadequate just makes me question the point of all this. There is no point. The world isn't meant to be perfect. And oh goodness me, Legal Theory is making my brain go round and round in circles.

Actually, I'm just really reluctant and really lazy to get cracking on these essays): I have one more week): And I already had my fair share of rest and relaxation in Paris): World, stop judging me okay...

Bye.

Spring Awakening

2011-03-26T21:30:00.003Z

Life is a funny thing really. It's all in the perspective of the person. I mean, something great could be something awful for another, and of course the other way around too. So who's to judge to say that you're having a bad life? Who's to say that the other person is having a good life?

Something else about perspective.
I think no one can ever attain a true perspective on their own life, well at least this is the case for me. I always feel that I'm too close to the details of life to work out some kind of proper, all-encompassing 'theme' to what stage of my life I'm in. I'm just too upclose to the everyday events to see anything else in my peripheral vision - then again, that is why it's called the peripheral vision right? Some kind of sight you have but you just can't focus centrally on. In any case, I think that's just the way of human life I guess. Today wouldn't be today if it wasn't upclose and didn't have those details. Perspective is only for the yesterdays.

I'm not sure what I was just rambling about. It must be the blurry thoughts from hours of lying on the grass since Spring has come... I guess I've just realised that I can't do anything about the nitty-gritty of life because that's what life is made up of. But I can do the things now that make me happy so that when I finally do get a chance to look back at my life and gain some kind of perspective, the nitty-grittys were just dust in a pile and I have several gems in there that were the highlights of my life.

Little Girls Play Silly Games

2011-03-22T20:57:00.000Z

I think we should just all do what we please

As long as we don't shit on someone else's parade.

Is that really so hard?

Some people just get so immature. Like seriously?

And leave me to clean up this mess eh?

But you started it

... ...

"Darling, your head's not right"

Bad Romance

2011-02-25T21:12:00.003Z

I wanna catch this...

Blue Valentine, a story about a love that disintegrates.

I think I've finally figured out the genre of films I enjoy. I've never been a big thriller or action or chick-flick kind of person, and I totally avoid gore and horror. Comedies are nice but good comedy is hard to come by. I like romance films, but there was always something so unsatisfying about a happy ending. "Yay love triumphs all, love will find the way..."

Tragic romance. Yes, that shall be my kind of film genre.
Like Revolutionary Road...

Gosh I love this film...

Anyway I've just been really sceptical about romance and love, more so ever since moving here. I don't know why exactly, but it's probably the loneliness. Living independently, without my family and best friends, and having a pile of work that never seems to diminish... Don't get me wrong, I've actually grown to like being alone at some moments. But hey, who doesn't want that one person whom you can just pour your heart out to and curl up in his arms at the end of a tiring day?
Sadly, life just doesn't work that way. Love is not so simple.

Valentine's A Bitch

2011-02-14T18:02:00.001Z

Oh what can I say?

Red roses, pretty bouquets, heart-shaped balloons and heavenly chocolates.
Nope, I've never been on the receiving end on Valentines.
Except for one or two pleasant surprises in the past(: But nothing romantic...

Well at least this year, it seems like the university is as dead as my love life(:

I See The Way, But I Still Feel Lost

2011-01-20T22:50:00.000Z

I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. I'm not even sure if I want to be doing this anymore.

If I think back, this was the one thing I was quite certain I would not do. So, how did I end up here? Was I just blindly following the masses? Maybe it was just an "easier" common choice. Or maybe I chose this for the prestige and title of it all.

In all honesty, I hardly have any interest in this and even if I did, I suck at it. I just don't have the passion for it. Actually, I don't even have passion in my life. Whether I lost it or whether it was never there, I don't know for sure.
All I know is that right now, I feel hollow. Like I'm just going through the motions.

When will my life truly begin?

I need this. If only I could...

Eat Pray Love.

A Really Late 2010 Reflection

2011-01-13T21:42:00.003Z

Oh it's been a loooong while. ALOT has happened. Winter break, going back to Singapore, my lovely family and friends, and coming back to Warwick, having a test to sit for and an essay to submit, new term of school!
And I haven't even put out a post to sum up 2010, so I shall...

2010 was nothing less than incredibly amazing.
All of my life before 2010, there was always the good and the bad events that happened in a year. Well definitely not in 2010. I enjoyed every single moment of that fantastic year. 2010 shall be the year I found freedom like never before. Not only was I finally done with dreaded JC, I received respectable A Level grades I was (and still am) proud of! I had a job that was relatively high paying and without fixed days, which gave me time to spend with friends, especially shopping with my best friend Sharifah. Most importantly, 2010 gave me time for myself. Whether it was walking alone on the streets of New Delhi, or bumming around at home watching Desperate Housewives, I had the time to savour the carefree-ness of it all. Come to think about it, that could have been the last moments of my youth right there... Well I don't regret a single thing at all(:
And the year just got better and better. I got accepted into Warwick to study Law, moved to freaking UK, had an awesome orientation, met interesting new people, and got allocated to the best campus accommodation in the world. And even though it tore me apart having to be away from my comfortable circle of family and friends, I really needed to experience this. How could I have passed on this wonderful opportunity? Besides, who knew that after the end of term 1, my parents would surprise me with a SIA ticket home(: A380 baby! And I would continue to have so much fun with my family, my bestest friends and my relatives, almost like I'd never been gone at all.

(I know I must sound like little miss perfect having had everything go well in 2010, but I think I truly earned it after two miserable years in JC.)

So even though 2010 will be a difficult year to top, I'm looking forward optimistically. So far, so good (except with a few minor setbacks). And these few days, let's just say there's been a little more sunshine in my life(:

RAG Week

2010-11-26T19:25:00.005Z

A dog and dolphin mascot, in the middle of Friday tort lecture?...Riiiight.

This week was Rag week so lectures have been quite interesting for all the wrong reasons! Its all done for charity and (i think) people donate money for this bunch of Rag week people to come to deliever really random, sometimes nasty stuff in the middle of lectures. In today's tort lecture, this one girl got a rose, pregnancy kit, and an announcement saying "I'm Sorry!" Hilarious:D Oh yes and our wonderful tort lecturer got a lap dance from the dolphin mascot (sent by another lecturer) and a bundle of underwear from a student saying something like, "entrusting him with all his underwear" or something like that!
Earlier today in another lecture, one guy got 5 shots of vodka (all of which he had to drink immediately in the lecture, and he did!), and earlier in the week, our awesome property law lecturer got two shots of vodka and a pint of beer! The most nasty delivery was at the end of one lecture, where a person was bound to a tree, and splashed with water, flour and baked beans! IN THIS FREEZING WEATHER!
But its all in good fun for a good cause(:

Not sure if its because of all the light-hearted activities, or most probably, because I'm just plain tired, I've been feeling a little dazed this week. Not in an entirely bad way I think? Just that I woke up this morning and wasn't sure what day it was, what I had to do next and what lectures I had for today, for a full 5 minutes. Weird huh...

Pick Me Up

2010-11-04T20:33:00.002Z

Today on campus, I saw a black mercedes and instantly thought it was my dad picking me up from school, since they're quite rare here in the land of european coupe cars.

Then, I realised I'm like 10,000 kilometres away from Singapore and my family and my house and my car. And there I was, tears welling up in my eyes by the road side.

I'm in need of something positive lately.

Empty Promises

2010-10-31T19:56:00.001Z

The truth of it all is,

I miss having people whom I can truly depend on.

After A Month

2010-10-26T19:00:00.004+01:00

Today marks the one month period I have been in the UK. On Sunday I woke up and instead of going about my (now) usual routine, I sat in my bed recollecting all the visions and the emotions I had coming into this country, campus, hostel and room for the first time. I really don't want to forget that feeling... It was the feeling of refreshing but scary change, which to be honest, I never really felt before.

Some things have been good, like how I actually love warwick, how I (surprisingly) like doing tort law -the assignments other than the readings, how I enjoy walking to school, how I'm becoming comfortable with my independence, the awesome autumn weather, the ability to layer and wear fab clothes and coats and boots, and my circle of new friends.

And then some things, let's just say I'm still waiting on things to get better. Like how I still feel awkward using the kitchen in my flat, how I don't have interest towards food and meals, how I don't have anyone to talk to about my day when I come home, how I don't have dinner with my family and have our shopping sessions after and how I don't have best friends here who'll hang out with me just for the sake of hanging out (if that makes sense?).

Nevertheless, I'm happy to be here(:

Studying and living in the UK is the dream isn't it...

UK So Far...

2010-10-11T18:34:00.002+01:00

Oh no! I've accumulated so many things I wanted to say about my two weeks so far here in UK, that now there's really way too much to say here:/

Well I guess simply put, there are ups and downs, but more ups than downs so far(: The feeling is weird though. On one hand, I feel like I should only be here temporarily and this is not my home, and yet I feel as though I've lived here for 2 years, not 2 weeks!

Anyway MY ROOM at Heronbank rocks like no other! (I think I really get my money's worth, though its still pretty steep at £114 per week:S) Still, I really wish I didn't have to move out next year and just live here the next 3 years. My study table is so deep and wide, I can fit a printer, table lamp and laptop on my table, and still have space for work and junk. AND I have 2 mounted shelves, with 3 tiers each. My bathroom is great! Bathtub, Detachable shower head!, and cupboards and all, just nice for one. My bed is as high as my one at home, and yes my duvet is the SAME SAME SAME maroonish purple as my curtains and bedroom at home! My carpet and curtains here too! The colour is EXACTLY the same as my old bedroom, which is probably why I felt so welcomed at first. And my view! OMG. Like, I know I said my old bedroom view was so beautiful in the mornings, but I'm sorry, I think it loses out to this view in the evening:

Yes the sun SETS right infront of my bedroom window, over the huge green field I look out to(:

And even though it used to bother me that it took 10-15 minutes to walk to school, I kind of like it! (Obviously when I'm wearing the right shoes) The weather lately has been so nice, and the scenery and the lake and ducks I see on the way to school really aren't bad after all.

Ah yes and my flatmates! Haha okay they're nice people, I just wish we saw and talked to each other more! I live with 2 girls-from britain and cyprus, and 5 guys-one from the netherlands and the other 4 brit dudes, hence there's always beer in the fridge:P And our flat is just beside the laundrette! The same one that other people from this building all have to come to, so we're really lucky(:

I guess the only problem so far is the food... I never ever ever knew that it would be so freaking hard to decide and find my three meals a day. Sounds pathetic I know. But when you start living alone and eating out is expensive and Tesco is a 30 min walk away and you don't have a convenient car, you'll see why!
Sadly people, I now eat to live):
Tragic for someone from Singapore right? I know):

To Sum 19 Years Up

2010-09-26T17:11:00.002+01:00

... ... ...

I don't even know where to begin.
The very beginning? My wonderful family? Primary school? The best friends of my life from secondary school? Hwa Chong and 08S6C? My academic achievements I'm so proud of? And now, my last night here at home in Singapore?

I can't sum it all up now, at least not tonight, but one thing's for sure. I loved every second of every moment here.

Calm

2010-09-17T05:07:00.001+01:00

This week has been really relaxing and quiet (the vast opposite of what my dear friends at nus are going through this week). I just lazed around at home, recovered from my flu, watched lots of tv (a necessity which will be taken away from me soon) and looked through old photo albums of when I was younger. Even when I was called for relief teaching work, it was relatively easy and my class was well-behaved and quiet. You could say the excitement from last week totally weared off this week, and I've been feeling really really sad about leaving soon, with regards to my family and friends. Especially my family this week.

My whole family has been making extra effort to come home before 7pm every day this week and even though our dinners are nothing special (hawker centre food as usual), I've been appreciating and enjoying every single moment. The highlight of my days this week has been the evenings spent at home, waiting to see the car pull into the driveway, see my family back home with dinner and our after-dinner tv time(: And at night, I stay up just to stare at my wonderful bedroom, enjoying the way the cool wind blows on my face through my windows and the way I'm practically sleeping under the stars when I lay down on my bed because nothing is obstructing the view of the sky in my area. And in the morning, I wake up (barely) to say goodbye to my family off to work and school. And the second time I wake up, I sit up on my bed and stare out my window to views like this:

Well not all the time, but often(:

I can't believe EVERYTHING is going to change in just 9 days. Can't imagine the emotional roller-coaster I'll be on starting next week.

Hello Heronbank!

2010-09-07T14:40:00.000+01:00

YESSSS! Results of my accommodations came in this morning and I got the residence I really wanted(: Found some awesome pictures on the warwick website. I'm quite excited now! Started some packing of my winter clothes in the afternoon after being motivated by these photos. But oops, 3/4 of my large suitcase is already full:S

Heronbank!

You know you're not in Singapore anymore when SWANS hang out by the residences(:

VISA

2010-08-30T14:49:00.000+01:00

Words cannot describe the feelings bursting from me today.
Frustration, anger, disappointment, sadness and more frustration.

Basically I waited from 7:30am to 3:30pm for my turn, no lunch, handphones and ipod not allowed, stressful office environment, queue numbers that were 2 numbers away from mine but never moved for the next three hours, and low and behold, when my turn came at 3:30, my stupid freaking bank letter was rejected again. Let me emphasize that I was rejected a second time! And even though my mum rushed to get a different bank letter at 4 plus to pass to me, it was still not THE LETTER. Seriously is this a really foreign thing to banks?! Am I the first person ever with this kind of account applying for a uk visa?!

At least the visa lady really really pitied and agreed to call me to come down tmr when there's fewer people. But still... ONE WHOLE DAY TODAY WASTED. NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED. And now I've a throbbing headache.

"You Go To UMich?"

2010-08-27T05:12:00.000+01:00

Last night I went to the airport wearing my University of Michigan shirt and this American dude (probably young enough to still be a college student) asked if I studied there. Haha if I was more outgoing, I would have said yes and maybe started a conversation trading "wild college-life stories" with him! But...I doubt walking around the UMich campus actually counts as studying there, and my trip there was pretty far from an adventure:P

HEY how come no one approaches me when I wear my Harvard shirt?!?

Impressions

2010-08-22T16:13:00.000+01:00

This week...

Sharifah and I got rockin' new spectacles:D

On that note, I've been thinking alot about the kind of first impression I give, especially this week since my friends have started school and there's all this talk about how people dress, what they're like, orientation and all. When I think back, I realise that I SUCK AT ORIENTATION and meeting new people in general. No need to talk about hwachong cos I cried every day for the first few weeks, but even starting out in Anderson - where I met the best friends of my life, orientation was pretty rocky for me. EVEN in primary school, I remember I made a girl cry on the first day of school cos she asked me to hold her sandwich for her and I dropped it:S OMG now that I really think back, I SUCK AT THIS. And the thought of having to go through orientation and the awkwardness of it all without my family and friends makes me freaking scared...

But you know, I might have somewhat of a solution? Since I'm so lousy with starting conversations, I think I should add really bold pieces to my wardrobe! You know, let my clothes do the talking. At least if I have a really stylish and cool bag, skirt or SHOES, people will know my kind of style and will be motivated to talk to me right?
THUS I should totally get those high-tops right? (Right Sharifah???) Haha!

I mean, even if all that doesn't work, I'd be one funky fashion-forward loner:P

Procrastination

2010-08-12T05:52:00.000+01:00

GAH I'm supposed to be done compiling all my documents for my visa application yesterday, but once i'm missing something, i get side-tracked and not wanna finish it anymore. Just last night I realised, damn i'm leaving Singapore like next month! Always thought college and leaving my family was something i'd face in a few years time. No it's happening NEXT MONTH:S
I haven't made my visa application, gone for my health check, and most importantly, done all the fun and crazy things i wanted to do with my friends and family! And now local uni has started and everyone is busier than ever):
All the techinical stuff I have to do actually makes me worry about my future living and studying alone. I am such a procrastinator! But I'm guessing there will be fewer distractions in my lonely dorm.
Speaking of distractions, my dad went crazy with electronics lately and bought a new tv for their bedroom, new desktop (which i'm using now) and since he was in that spirit, I convinced him to buy me an ipod docking system! Been wanting to get one since I used the one at Beijing Marriott and loved it(:

SEE! GRR i wasn't even supposed to blog today.

I'm Ready, I'm Ready!

2010-08-05T11:06:00.001+01:00

Despite my totally cold and harsh tester, I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST(:

Likes Repel

2010-07-25T16:02:00.002+01:00

I'll stop playing when you stop playing the "who's better than who" game.
Seriously who even gives a damn?

everyone knows i'm better anyway... hehehe:D

Back To Almost Normal

2010-07-22T10:14:00.000+01:00

Today's my first day of liberation and I can't even enjoy it because I'm SO SICK. It's actually quite remarkable that my body held on until I completed my two weeks of relief teaching before completely letting go. Now my nose is so stuffed up I can't sleep, every joint in my body hurts and my throat feels like its been choked up with sand and stones.
Okay before anyone starts calling me weak and an incapable teacher and all that, let me just say, you have NOT been through what i have the past two weeks.

First of all, I'm reliefing this teacher for two weeks, which means I can't be the fun relief teacher who goes into class for the day and plays hangman. I actually have to TEACH. TEACH CHINESE mind you. And its not p1 chinese, I had p3, p4 and p6 classes. PRIMARY SIX CHINESE. As in they have to sit for PSLE soon with ME teaching THEM CHINESE. Obviously a huge challenge for my ordering-from-food-stall-aunties standard of chinese. And yet I pulled it off, answered their questions, taught them a brand new chapter, marked their homework and convinced everyone (including the chinese teaching department) that I could indeed speak and write chinese(:

But the thing that drove me insane was actually not the subject, it was those darn kids! My p6 class was a sports class, thus they were really active and couldn't sit down EVER. My p4 class was lazy, even the girls, and never handed in homework. And oh lord my p3 class. I had a boy puke during class, boys fighting over money, boys running out of class in the middle of lessons and two ADHD boys. Yes not one, but TWO! I should have hunted down their doctors cos I was told they're on medication to control them, but HELLO, obviously not enough medication!?! They kept yelling and fighting and running about, which led the other normal boys to go insane too! Its really no surprise that this teacher I had to relief went in for surgery on her vocal cords. Hell, with a devilish class like that I'd be dead if I had to teach them for the whole year!

At the end of the day, I guess I still had a few (and i mean FEW) fun moments. I really connected with my p6 class, I shared many laughs with my p4 class which had this boy who acts and sounds like me in my spastic days, and my p3 class...hmm... Nope, those little devils are the reason I'm suffering now.

Kids Have Their Ways

2010-07-18T16:20:00.009+01:00

I think one of my kids is doing voodoo on me,

Cos I just went to the store and bought them a bunch of sweets and gummies.

Why in the world would I reward the same little devils that have tried to kill me for the past two weeks?!

Voodoo and magic spells definitely.

THREE more days till regaining my sanity...

I Hate Your Kids.

2010-07-09T08:42:00.000+01:00

I am exhausted out of my mind the past few days and probably the coming few days, cos I've been assigned temporarily to teach primary school CHINESE. First of all, ME CHINESE?!?! And I have a primary SIX class for goodness sake!!! Secondly, OH MY GOD who would ever want to become a primary school teacher?!?! Seriously? The work environment sucks, the students are little devils, the pay is miserable, the job opportunities are minimal... I just feel that no one in this world would love children enough to stay at a job like this.

I guess all the whining today is cos I totally blasted at this p3 boy in my class who was rude, loud, vulgar in a stupid ah beng way and extremely irritating. I yelled so hard that I unconsciously reverted back to english and my face and hands were practically burning. And no, I totally don't regret it, but I just feel like its a total waste of my energy and time. Energy and time that could be better spent on a project or something useful. Thank GOD teaching will never be my career.

At the end of the day, I come home, turn on to an episode of Desperate Housewives with an icy coke in hand, and I'm back to MY life. I've never loved my life so much before.

"Can't Live Without Them, Can't Find Them, Sometimes..."

2010-06-29T15:35:00.000+01:00

If only I was in Britain now):

The IT Crowd Series 4

Watch the three trailers on youtube people! My absolute favourite comedy!
Here's the first one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTQeDh70qVY

Why can't they flippin' bring it to Singapore?!?

Back To Nature

2010-06-25T06:33:00.000+01:00

Pictures from those few days I went MIA to go to Malaysia, KL(: I ain't got no thousand dollar camera, but I'm pretty happy with how pretty these turned out!

Most of them from the Genting Golf Course we decided to go to since we couldn't find some old waterfall from my mum's childhood. I went to swing nearly a bucket of 100 balls and it was so fun!
Motivated to take up proper golfing classes maybe(:

Fat Hope

2010-06-21T15:46:00.000+01:00

These few days I've been wanting to curl up into a ball and hide from the world.
For many reasons I think...

Being in and out of the hospital for my brother's shoulder surgery, not having enough money, the lack of pretty new clothes, the technical things to do before university, the thought of not having family and friends to "come home" to after school, questioning if law is even my thing, and most importantly...

Getting freaking pissed off that exercise is pulling me in the totally opposite direction of what its supposed to help me accomplish! I just gain weight everytime I come up with a plan to lose weight):

Basically I'm freaking F-A-T (or FATTER I should say)

Happy Birthday Miss Fashionable!

2010-06-06T15:51:00.002+01:00

Happy 20th Birthday Sharifah! I am just so so thankful to have a best friend like you(: All the wonderful years of having the same thought waves, surviving through the worst of times, just plain chilling out and of course shopping! I'm so thrilled that our friendship is only growing stronger.
LOVE YA SO OH MUCH!

How fun was 5th June 2010 huh(:

Ju Ju Ju Juicy!

2010-05-29T14:48:00.001+01:00

Ouh yeah... Desperate Housewives Season 6!

Coming soon on Channel 5 i think. I appreciate the recap of past seasons Star World, but purlease keep up?!?

Another thing that's "juicy" in a really gross way, my left index finger's so swollen, it looks and feels like 2 blueberries that have been stuffed under my skin, constricting the finger joint, and my finger tip seriously can't breathe... Haha.

And yes you guessed it, I got the injury from basketball. Omg I swear there has not been a single time I can play basketball without getting a finger sprained! This has already happened to me several times. I had at least a finger sprained every week when we had that basketball pe module in jc!

Left index fingers are unexpectedly important...

Why Is Technology So Difficult!?!

2010-05-24T07:21:00.002+01:00

Oh My Gawd I am SO depressed right now.

I have no freaking idea what happened, but I just can't log in to my windows profile and it keeps displaying this message like, the user profile cannot be loaded. Now my hp laptop (which is still so brand new) is like a useless piece of junk to me): My brother's been trying to fix it and he's successfully created this other profile, but not all my stuff is in there! Like most importantly, my iTunes stuff and my all-too-precious Gossip Girl series! I am so freaking pissed and frustrated with my laptop, I nearly threw it to the ground (which explains why my brother has taken over fixing my laptop).

I am praying to Bill Gates to send me an angel, PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME):

Over Eighteen Not Yet Twenty

2010-05-22T10:00:00.002+01:00

Finally my birthday post(:
No way to really describe my 19th birthday. Just AWESOME, purely AWESOME.

After all, many of my previous birthdays have always been synonymous with mid-year exams. So now that dreaded schooling is over, I could finally properly celebrate!

Birthday Part 1: The usual night-before-birthday celebration with my family, cake and presents and lotsa love. I'm gonna miss sharing my birthday with my brother when i go to warwick. Shopping for his present while receiving my presents has always been the way! Haha I didn't really want anything this birthday, just the simple stuff especially spending precious moments with my loved ones. Although, my dad did buy a Wii "for me" as a creative alternative to the gym membership I've pestered him about... My brother finally got his iPod Touch, which is dangerously addictive man!

Birthday Part 2: After family celebrations, I was supposed to go to Priya's for a sleepover. Oh my gosh, so much drama, even on my birthday! Long story short, Priya called to cancel sleepover cos she saw my car leave the house from the bus stop she and bee were hiding at, I was fuming mad, Dad was trying to calm me down and drove me home, Hobo-looking silhouettes standing outside my gate with a big JENNY card, Priya and Bee with cake and candles in hand! I was pretty much screaming in the car! Anyway after that Sham and Nithiya came and slept over(: Oh not forgetting the Anna Sui, Flights of Fancy perfume they bought me. Super nice! Loving the scent!

Birthday Part 3: The friday after my birthday, I made reservations at 1827 @ the Arts House to treat the girls to dinner and have a night out at our favourite artsy place! I ADORE the Arts House and everything about it(: Anyway dinner was good and the ambience was PERFECT. Red and black vintage feel and got the nice private U-shaped sofa corner with the beaded curtains and tealight candles... Lovely!

This photo looks like a poster for a drama series! XOXO Gossip Girl... Haha:P

After dinner we went over to Central for dessert(: I forgot the name of the restaurant, but its Japanese and had that wall of super-enticing food and sweets... Mmmm gotta try their parfaits!

Fantabulous!

I Relate To Your Paranoia

2010-04-29T15:43:00.001+01:00

Got movie vouchers courtesy of dear Keetha, so Sharifah and I went to watch Shutter Island on Wednesday. At first I was really hesitant about the whole thing, with my no. 1 movie rule of not watching horror films in cinemas. But in the end, I gave in to darling Leo cos everything he acts in, I've loved. Plus, the movie wasn't even horror at all.

Aside from his good looks and socially responsible ways, he's a fantastic actor. Pair him up with Martin Scorsese and you've got a winning combination, like in The Departed. After watching Shutter Island, I was still linking the other parts of the movie to the ending, and even linking some of it to real life. The only thing unsatisfying about Shutter Island (and strangely The Departed too), is that there was no happy ending. But as much as I wished there was one, a happy ending would've spoiled both movies because that's just not the reality of life.

I also watched another movie recommended by yiting this week called Pretty Persuasion.

Its a black comedy and satirical film, but its just too "dark" for my liking... american high school culture, teens, racism, sexual references and suicide, all that heavy stuff wrapped into one big joke. Pretty mental i would say, even more than Shutter Island-a film about a mental institute!

Oh yes not forgetting Sad Movie! Watched in the wee hours at Monday's sleepover at Keetha's place, thanks to Sharifah's infinite library of korean and japanese movies.

Yes it was tear-filled, but somehow uplifting in ways.

So you could say its been a tough week on me mentally and emotionally! My moodswings and shopping cravings added. I couldn't bear to decline UCLA's offer this evening and teared up when I logged in so I've prolonged it for another day until 1st May comes and the inevitable happens.
Luckily I have awesome friends to keep me away from insanity(:

Sharifah and I in our preppy chic university-bound outfits!

Daddy, I Want My Own Gladiators Too!

2010-04-25T16:54:00.002+01:00

You know how every neighbourhood has THAT household? The house that just wants to stand out and be the ICON of the road?

Well...

Yup, this is THAT house of my neighbourhood. Well not exactly, cos its a walk further inside from my street, BUT STILL.

OMG RIGHT?!?! I think it was recently finished cos the last time I went by while jogging (ages ago), it was still under construction. The house itself is pretty normal besides the fact that it is huge-ass and has a outdoor garage showcasing three different luxury cars-eg. the lamborgini, but just look at those gladiator statues!!! I'm sooooo incredibly envious!!! Their designed so perfectly, like they're not intimidating and towering yet they still have a strong, defensive posture, armed with their shield and sword. Its totally cooler than those typical chinese lion things! What I wouldn't give to be coming home to those gladiators everyday...

I think this gate would be an ICON not only for yio chu kang (i'm so uber proud), but for the whole of Singapore mann... It shall be part of my new jogging route so that i can take clearer pictures of it next time (if i ever start jogging again).

Quest to Request

2010-04-15T15:40:00.001+01:00

I was just filling in my housing application to UCLA. Hmm its a pity I haven't been to the campus before, so I don't know which are the most sought after hostels.
Anyway I came to this page on Requesting a Roomate, and they gave me like, TEN options! That's when I realised I'm so pathetic! I can't believe I don't know ANYONE going to UCLA): Thank god at least yiting will be in LA, at my possible future school's arch enemy school, USC! That's gonna be fun(:
So anyway, I still want to make it my mission to know someone and actually request a roomate by the time I have to submit the forms.
Whoever's going to UCLA and sees this, contact me yeah:D I promise I won't be a psycho roomie. haha.

Then again, due to recent developments and further contemplation, I might just end up going to Warwick...or even consider NTU which offered me that killer accountancy and business double degree:S AAHH:S

Gawd my parents are driving me up the wall. My mum keeps contributing her opinions which keep swaying from law to environmental, and all she does is just prevent me from making a proper decision and i just wanna scream SHUT UP SERIOUSLY.

On The Flipside

2010-04-14T17:22:00.000+01:00

Just yesterday I was appealing to 30 seven year olds,
And this evening I was appealing to 5 CEOs.

Oh the twists of life(:

btw welcome back Sharifah! Missed you heaps(:

Life's a BITCH

2010-04-06T15:22:00.002+01:00

Phew-wee my beach escape came on saturday, perfect timing(: exactly what i needed. the scenery managed to distract me for a good relaxing 12 hours. But once i crossed that Singapore customs, my mind was racing again:/
Take me back to paradise please!

Before...

After! And i WAS standing in the water...the sand bed changed pretty abruptly.

Daddy re-living his kite-flying days.

SEE that dot that looks like a black bird? That's our kite, mr battie! My dad went crazy and bought 3 rolls of string and knotted them up together so that battie could fly high in the sky(: More amazing than the fact that we managed to retrieve battie in one piece, is that during his flight, an ACTUAL EAGLE swooped pass it!!! We witnessed everything. It came out from nowhere and like glided once it was a few metres from battie. Then it did this swoop and went BESIDE battie, before turning in another direction after a while, probably realising that plastic was neither edible nor made a good friend. It was so amazing. I thought battie was a gonner for sure!

Relaxed face(:

Oh and we also went "house window-shopping" but there weren't any SEASIDE ones. They all needed about a 10 minute drive to the beach. I think my life-long dream would be to buy my parents a seaside beach house so that we can all gather there in the summer, and the kids can play at the beach while the adults have a picnic on the deck. (obviously i'm not visualising any place in Singapore)

maybe a house at The Hamptons:D -okay a girl can certainly dream!

I think driving at night without street lights can be one of the most relaxing things in the world.

The beach was fun but when the sun sets, where will you go?

Is it UCLA Environmental or Warwick Law for me?
Two different school settings, two different countries, two totally different courses.

I fear the path of regret and unhappiness.

See You On The Other Side

2010-04-01T04:05:00.000+01:00

Gawd I'm dying from anxiety. Yes US uni decisions:S
TONIGHT.
And before that I've to confront a panel of not-likely-to-be-too-nice people.

I'm like begging my parents to take me to a beach or resort for the weekend to escape for a while.
Either to recuperate or to celebrate.

Lost In City Lights

2010-03-27T08:49:00.001Z

The title's also the name of my favourite song cum soundtrack to my life cum soundtrack on Gossip Girl.

I say also, because i'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed, a little lost. (oh what the hell, i always seem to feel overwhelmed)

The upcoming week is going to be quite a crash course of everything to do with my future. I'm not allowed to disclose anymore, so that's all that I can say. Furthermore, everyone's kind of going off, doing their own thing...which is an awesome thing don't get me wrong, but I'm feeling a little fragile. Like my support system is gradually diminshing.

Gosh I hate that I'm so reliant.

Luckily yesterday I got to do some major destressing and karaoke my lungs out.

April Fools better not take me as the fool.

Meet The New Boy

2010-03-21T15:19:00.000Z

My precious baby, the HP Pavilion dm3-1132TX Entertainment Notebook otherwise known as Luke, Luke Dawson that is(: love him to bits! -haha i still haven't gotten into the habit of calling him Luke:S But I have YET to be able to properly transfer my whole itunes library in here): tried just copying the stuff but the playlists and all the groupings are not there! HELP.

Anyways this whole week I WORKED! YES WORK. ME. WORK. I actually had to do what most of the world was doing and get up for work from monday to friday! But my work was pretty fun. I was a camp counsellor at this australian cartooning camp for kids and boy oh boy! To think I thought Jon & Kate plus eight was a mess, this was like Jon & Kate plus EIGHTY. actually there were over a hundred of them. ALL in one room, aged between 4 to 12, screaming and crying their heads off, and leaving the few of us counsellors pretty drained... thank god for my nice colleagues, especially when i fell sick nearing the last day.

I was tired EVERYDAY for all five days and nights, but I dunno... I enjoyed it very much:P Girl's puke on on my first day, persistently crying children, boys fighting, kids that purposely walked slow to prolong my misery in the rain, spoilt brats, dreaded meal times and EXTREMELY MESSY KIDS that made the room dirty every 15 mins! Yet, it was probably one of the most satisfying things ever. Like I'll be sooo shagged out at the end of the day, but I will wake up the next morning ready to start again. Maybe that is what its like to really be in a job you love? Not that i LOVE them kids, but it was fun and everyday was a different experience(: Not like a boring ass desk job at all! haha.

Isaac my favourite boy in the camp(: He was like uber cute and pretty smart for a four year old. Okay he looks unwilling to take a photo, but he likes me okay!?! HAHA. And please ignore my totally awful and tired face!

So after that short stint, I really can't wait to get back to my "usual" lifestyle of tv dramas (BTW so hooked on gossip girl season three!!! and ugly betty and the city - cos the hills is so stupid with lauren gone and kristin coming in) and snacking and trying to lose weight and applying for uni and driving... Now I really treasure these buffer months before my life restarts again):

APPRECIATING SLACKING TTM.

L.A. Candy

2010-03-13T15:17:00.001Z

Gimme some of that sunset boulevard!

Well Go Get Your Shovel...

2010-03-07T10:40:00.002Z

RESULTS. I should seriously slap myself because I want that emotionally-wrecked, low self-confidence, pessimistic and highly suicidal girl to come out and realise how far she has come and how proud I am of her to have beaten all the odds she faced in THAT SCHOOL and actually produced results that match pretty well with the cohort. But I'm happy not because of the comparison, I am happy because she worked her butt off and it paid off(:

Now it's time for decisions decisions decisions.
I might not know where I'm heading,
But at least I have somewhere to go.

For Real.

2010-03-05T03:27:00.000Z

Whatever happens, will happen for a reason.
I'm going to believe that everything will eventually turn out fine.
This is a big world.
There's always something I can do...

Backstreet's Back

2010-02-28T14:19:00.004Z

If I was ten, I'd be kicking myself in the head for not going.
Actually, I'm eighteen and I still feel like kicking myself.
If I went, it would have been 90 minutes of singing my heart out like a carefree kid again...

C'mon girls...you know you want to admit to your boyband fanatic past(:

An Education.

2010-02-23T06:46:00.009Z

Carey Mulligan winning Best Actress in An Education at the BAFTAS 2010.

I JUST KNEW IT even since I saw the film(: I also just found out she acted in Pride&Prejudice and Public Enemies, both of which I wanted to watch! MY NEW FAVOURITE ACTRESS definitely(:

The writing, the storyline, the screenplay and everything else was so well executed. I thought I'd be bored with a movie about SCHOOL, but boy was i wrong. I watched it on the plane and when I got back to Singapore, I found out it was only showing at Golden Village Cinema Europa Vivocity. WTH?

"Jenny and David"

And I finally found out why the actor playing Danny (far-left) was so familiar! The fiance from Mamma Mia! -who's been dating Amanda Seyfried too! Oh and did you know Carey Mulligan's been dating Shia LeBeouf?! How sophisticated of Shia to be with Carey(: Gah I am so behind in celebrity news!

Incredible India!

2010-02-17T03:36:00.015Z

I LOVE DELHI.

Everything about everyone and everything else was AMAZING. The people are so sincerely nice and polite, and the roads and buildings are just bustling with energy and life. Wherever I went, I felt like people were celebrating life in itself, being content with whatever they were doing. I really wish I didn't have to come back to Singapore. This country only set on a rat-race towards making money, money and more money.

Acting like I know what I'm doing at my dad's booth at the Aquatech India Exhibition and Conference. I also got to see my dad give a presentation to a room full of people in black suits and ties! He's quite funny. But I was feeling a little depressed at the end of the day cos all his colleagues kept asking if I was okay, as if I was a baby. I even tried to escape the convention and went to a book fair, but they were all hindi books...

The scene from my hotel room. Gurgaon is a business district where modern buildings are in the midst of these kinds of dusty construction fields. Just beside this site is an upcoming shopping mall.

Inside India's famous olden british taxi cabs(: YAY finally! And the driver was nice.

I wish I could bring these cabs back to Singapore to drive-which I will be able to do soon i hope!

My Shirley Temple treat by my dad cos I eventually managed to gather up enough courage to go shopping BY MYSELF! YES I DID. ALONE. IN INDIA. Plus, the places that the company driver took me to were very local (since Gurgaon's more of a business rather than touristy place) so everyone stared twice as much as they already do. But strangely, I liked the attention:P Maybe that's why service was so good for me.

Did I mention the people there are SO HOT?!?! Their hair, the nose, their EYES... So many common people looked so bollywood! I totally want their facial features! Over there, 1 in 10 local guys I saw on the street were good-looking!!! Over here? Hmm I think 1 in a million local guys are good-looking? Yes there just might be only about 5 good-looking Singaporean guys in Singapore! haha:P Anyway I saw one guy who totally looked like Roger Federer EXACTLY, and another who was an Indian version of Enrique Iglesias WITH THE SAME MOLE (I can almost feel Dinah Bee interogating me on this topic!)

Breakfast at an antique shop cum restaurant pitstop while on our way to Agra, the town of the Taj Mahal! Mmmm...Indian food is yummy! Totally suits my taste buds!

Monkey Attack!!! The guy even asked my dad to wind down his window!!!

UBER CUTE!!!

THE Taj Mahal!!! Although I really think they should limit the amount of people who enter cos floods of tourists (not that I wasn't one) ruin the whole atmosphere of grandness of the Taj Mahal): AND also get rid of the annoying photographers and phoney tour guides! Sigh, I really wish I had more time to admire its beauty. Like picnic at the park around the Taj Mahal and gaze in its majestic beauty until the sun set...

Sheesh, don't the paparazzi get enough?!?!? HAHA.

Talking and mingling with some locals at the park around the Taj Mahal(:

Just another example of how vibrant and colourful India is. MOST of the trucks are painted and decorated like this, some even more than this, with garlands of flowers and painted writings like "BLOW HORN!"
I even got to witness two weddings and one funeral procession all from my car window because everything passes through the streets and tends to be quite a grand, colourful gathering.

I got soooo much from this trip. Most importantly I’ve learnt how to GO OUT in a foreign place by myself. And its nothing to be scared of. Yeah there are those kidnapping and whatever incidents, (which deterred me from exploring Michigan the last time) but that’s the risk of life! And I can’t possibly stop living and hide in my hotel or wait for my dad forever!!!
The most important thing is to take everything with a smile, and walk the streets like you know this place like the palm of your hand. CONFIDENCE. Yes I realised when I keep thinking, crap I’m a foreigner, I hope no one comes and beats me up, then I will look scared and vulnerable. But when I tell myself, yeah I’ve been living in India all my life, everything just becomes so comfortable. I even sat down at a coffee place to chill out and read a book by myself. This coming from a person who ALWAYS has a phobia of ordering food from stalls I’m not familiar with, I was like that in Singapore and even in my own school canteen. You know, I even walked quite a distance to another mall, where there wasn’t a proper path, and I had to walk thru some barriers and EVEN a small section beside a busy road (which I have to say was damn scary cos the traffic just horns ALL THE TIME, so I wouldn’t know if they were horning at me!) and this sandy area which had electrical wires out of their casing, which I had to step across! My mum nearly killed me when she found out!

Alot of wonderful things happened during my Delhi trip(: The "Bend and Snap" gay-ish guy incident, the service that made me feel like a queen, the helpful company driver and not forgetting the absolutely spot-on timing of my call from...*clears throat*... IMPERIAL. YAH-HUH(: For once, my travel experience didn't just depend on my shopping, it was truly an EXPERIENCE.

I LOVE MY NEW FOUND INDEPENDENCE.
I LOVE INDIA FOR HELPING ME DISCOVER IT.

My Timely Departure

2010-01-29T14:52:00.004Z

The thing about my vacations so far, is that they all come just in time to sweep me away from my most depressing moments. Just thinking back, my last trip was only about a month back. Okay done, I should have vacations every month away to cope with the depression(: I love going away, especially since I'll be practically alone in India, who knows? I might even find some spiritual awakening.... Whatever it is, I'm glad to be away from here. All the talk about uni and courses, internships and JOBS. You know to be honest, I'm STILL Unemployed since A levels ended, I've Never had a job, and I'm Loving it(:

I wish modern humans never had plans. We can be spontaneous and just live for the moment.

You don't mean what you say.

The Traveller In Me

2010-01-25T03:04:00.002Z

I'm going off again, just because I have the time to waste(: muahaha!

This time its, NEW DELHI! 2nd to 6th February(:
I should start learning basic hindi phrases since my dad will be working and i might have to look around all by myself:S and I should watch "3 Idiots" so that I'll have a conversation starter with the locals! Priya might even get me a chance to meet with her relatives!
Super exciting, I can't wait(:

Bye Bye Beijing

2010-01-09T11:06:00.025Z

Ahh okay i shan't prolong this any longer! My pictures from Beijing are finally here!
Okay the reason why I kind of avoided talking and blogging much about my Beijing trip was because I had such a traumatic experience on the last day, that my memory of the rest of the trip got kind of flooded with only the negatives. But upon some reflection, it wasn't too bad(:

My Christmas Day was the last day in Beijing when we were going to head home in the afternoon, but all I can remember was puking EVERYWHERE i went and having mini fainting moments. YES I had food poisoning on Christmas and it is such a horror even trying to recall it): Basically I puked at the hotel, on the bus to the airport, at the beijing airport, BOARDING the airplane (which was the WORST because I had to make a quick dive from the line of boarding passengers into those sections where the air hostess stands and everything went everywhere-mostly into the bag thank god. major major yuck!) and at my seat in the plane. Quoting my dad, I was a complete nauseous zombie, ready to explode with nasty stuff at ANY moment. I felt so cold on the plane, I insisted on keeping my winter coat on. And I collected all the extra barf bags from my family because I was sure to use them later. I didn't drink water or eat anything for fear of puking and I didn't even do anything like listen to my ipod or read a book cos I was so afraid of puking on them. Anyways when I reached home, I couldn't even meet up with anyone because I was still so horribly ill. I didn't eat for 3 days and lost 3kg, only surviving on Gatorade which my doctor forced me to drink:/
Gosh just recalling it sends shivers down my spine! But apart from that last day, the other 7 days in Beijing weren't bad and taking a look at my photos, it was pretty fun(: I just wish I could erase the whole of Christmas Day from my memory, then the trip would have been fine!!! Argh my dad kept saying, "Getting food poisoning is all part of the Beijing experience Jen!" ewww.

Day 1:
If ever you get to fly at about 2 or 3am, DO NOT SLEEP! Look out the window people!!! Oh my gosh I just saw the most vast spread of stars in the sky, some of them even appeared at my eyelevel! THE most beautiful sight ever! I stared at them and actually started to tear. I know, my little obsession with the stars(: in fact, my mum got me a Galileoscope for Christmas! My bedroom view of the sky can finally be put to good use! Although I think I've set it up wrongly cos the stars look so patchy):

We stayed at 5 Star Marriott Beijing City Wall! BEST hotel ever especially those bigger rooms for 3 people. Okay this is a googled image cos I couldn't get a clear photo of the whole hotel:/ haha. They had hot cappucino, chocolate muffins and CEREAL at breakfast! Gosh I'd be fine anywhere with just cereal and fresh cold milk(: I am so not the meat dumplings and porridge for breakfast type!

Day 2:
THE FORBIDDEN CITY! You know, the tour guide kept going on and on about visiting a 'zi jing cheng' and I kept thinking, "what in the world is that?!" and then when we arrived, OMG I should just punch myself! 紫禁城 is The Forbidden City! haha my chinese teacher, Tan Yang would be so ashamed (not that he wasn't already).

The Back Gate because we're commoners!

I'm IN the forbidden city(:

I think that's the place where the king makes the important rulings? Anyway it's like royal and important and the carvings are so cool.

My brother with our cheesy china hats we bought (as if we'll ever wear them again) and Mao at the famous front gate we always see in China posters!

Then we went over to Tian Nan Men Square 天安门 and apparently you have to be security checked to enter, but apparently Beijing people LOVE Lee Kuan Yew and Singapore, so the whole lot of Singapore people didn't need to be checked(: Oh yes I remember why I don't have many shots in Tian Nan Men, cos my feet were already ACHING from all that walking in the huge Forbidden City:/

After that we walked and walked for what seemed like The Long March itself, to some random oval shaped building and boarded the bus to have our Peking Duck! Okay I personally think there's too much hype about that DUCK. It was...nice, but not like woah magical! I think I only get that sensation while eating really good Thai green curry!

Day 3:
We went to the Temple of Heaven (tian tan) 天坛 where the emperors went to pray for good weather and all that. Apparently the faster you run one round around the temple, the more likely your prayers will come true! Darn my slow running:/

It looks really pretty in the morning with those royal shades of red and blue and golden.

The best part was actually the park around the temple! I had such a fun time, even though alot of the people hanging around there were old folks. They were singing, dancing, playing chapteh (which was quite surprising), playing cards and chess! It was just bustling with activity everywhere! Just being imersed in the atmosphere was so much better than seeing it on Travel and Living! PLUS I did pretty spontaneous things! I danced with this thick moustache Uzbekistan dressed old man who put out his cigarette just for me and invited me to dance to a song that had an Indian vibe! haha he was sooo funny! When I joined him and showed off my ability to bop my head side to side, it just fueled his enthusiasm and he did the same thing back to me! The whole (typically shy) tour group just stared at me. And I joined an outdoor impromptu ballroom dancing thing, and a group of old women learning rhumba (my all-time fave dance!), and tried my best at some chapteh! I was totally mingling with the locals! Doing the whole Travel and Living host thing!

Some people are just randomly dancing by themselves, and if you want to learn, there're corners where a teacher teaches some basic moves. Best part is, you don't have to pay and you can join in and leave whenever you want.

The corridor where SO MANY people are karoke-ing and playing board games.

Later we walked a bit of the shopping district and look at that steam coming up from the vent thingy! I would have gone closer and attempted a Marilyn Monroe pose, but it was a road junction and I had to cross quickly! Oh and the tour guide kind of indirectly scolded me for taking off my winter coat and walking the streets in just a sweater. But who cares, she was totally naggy and I was feeling warm!

After that we went to Happy Valley, this amusement park. OMG and i thought Escape was dead. Cos it was winter, SO MANY rides were closed. Basically we were paying to go into a deserted theme park! How annoying! I only sat 3 roller coaster rides and played in the snow at some pathetic corner! But it was ok, quite fun(:

OMG this was the scariest ride for me! Plus, cos the park was sooo empty, EVERYONE heard me screaming! That picture is only the beginning of the ride mind you! That thing swings up to almost horizontal to the ground and you're just facing the icy lake, and it also revolves around! PLUS my bar thingy wasn't tight so I was flopping back and forth in my seat!!! SO SCARY! Added on to my fear of heights, I was traumatised, especially when it swings down and i'm facing the frozen lake, and the bar jerks forward, causing me to lean entirely on that bar! Oh at the end of all the screaming and oh-my-gods, I realised why the park was so quiet. My lips and mouth were so chaped and frozen after screaming for so long! haha.

Then, I watched THE MOST INCREDIBLE PLAY EVER! I think its called Golden Mask Dynasty (I know, horrible name) but the stage props and dancing was just spectacular! Everything was done so large scale! BREATH-TAKING. Just some of the crazy props: A river flowed across the stage, spilling over the edge of the front of the stage. Girls dancing with REAL white peacocks on their heads. A bridge formed where people can walk on, rising up from the stage's floor. Giant trampolines that help some dancers walk vertically up a wall as tall as the height of the stage. AN INDOOR FLOOD, with an inclined river so the audience can see the people dancing amidst the surging water and feel that the water is gushing down towards you, and even water flowing down from the theatre's side walls!!!

Day 4:
The Great Wall!!! My favourite China monument(:

The tour guide was advising us to take the easier, less steep route up to one of the high points, but NO, my dad refuses to settle for the easy way! This is the steep, challenging side! I didn't elongate the photo in any way, each step is as high as my knee and some higher. While climbing, I kept feeling like I was falling backwards:S SO TIRING BUT I DID MAKE IT(:

And this is the way DOWN! Thank God for those handrails built in!

I LOVE The Great Wall(:

That left hand side was the challenging side I climbed! All the way up to that guard post up there(:

And then we went to Wang Fu Jing 王府井 (like Beijing's Orchard Road) at night where there's this gigantic ceiling screen above the walkway! What a waste of electricity:/ haha.

That ceiling screen showing the pink petals.

Day 5:
We visited the Emperor's Summer Palace (which honestly doesn't seem much different from his other palaces) and cos it was meant for the summer so the place had to be airy, we were FREEZING from the wind! The thing about Beijing is, I like the negative degrees coldness, that's why i didn't have to wear a beanie or ear muffs cos my face can adjust well, its the freezing winds and the dryness that's hard to bear! I love Singapore's moisture(:

The Palace overlooking the frozen lake.

Walking on the frozen lake and laughing at the people who fall:P The sign says 'Don't step on the ice', but obviously no one cares!

How would a trip to Beijing be complete without a visit to...

The Bird Nest Stadium! Notice how everyone keeps walking on frozen lakes and ponds?

The Water Cube! I'm doing a really bad breast stroke:D

I couldn't leave without doing the Usain Bolt! I almost bought medals they sold at the souveneir shop! Imagine if I could engrave, 'Olympics Games 2.4km Champion!' Wooh in your face PE!

Next, our bus ride to Cheng De!

Day 6:
Reached Cheng De 承德 where another Emperor travelled to in the summer. I'm wondering, it's WINTER, shouldn't they bring us to where he went in WINTER?!?! Anyway, it was a smaller city (but still big compared to Singapore duh) than Beijing and was totally surrounded by mountains. Meaning, EXTREMELY COLD and WINDY! When we got there it was their 'warmer' days, -16 degrees!!!

The cutest stray (i think) doggy EVER!!! so cute! And I was so freezing cold, I wanted to carry it about and hug it to share warmth! But GERMS GERMS!

This is some Manchu place but I couldn't pay attention cos by now every part of me was frozen and I couldn't feel my toes cos I didn't wear proper snow boots! FURTHERMORE I had the worst cramps I've ever experienced cos of the extent of the cold. Gosh I was wishing that those hot bottles would fall from the sky. Periods in -16degree conditions are NOT FUN AT ALL.
Oh but I did find out from my grandma that I have Manchurian heritage! I have warrior blood after all!
The rest of Cheng De was a crampy blur really......and I was so tired of the china food and craving chocolate):

Then we went back to Beijing and got our Foot Massages! HAHA. I've never gotten a foot massage before cos there's something awkward about a stranger touching your feet, but my feet were so painful from the cold, I HAD TO! So we went to this sports clinic/school where there're some students training to treat athletes and all the ladies got women masseuses but mine had to go somewhere else so this decent looking 24 year old guy had to massage my feet!!! Furthermore, I couldn't understand most of the questions he was asking me in Chinese so I just nodded or laughed randomly. He must have thought I was psychotic or stupid! And since we couldn't really talk and the massage was freaking long, our eyes just kept meeting and we'd have to flash that awkward smile. MOST embarassing moment of the year!

Day 7:
I had enough of rice and chinese food, I was craving anything that had THAT Southeast Asian spicy, sweet, sour tang I've grown to love so much.
Anyway made a short bus trip to Tianjin 天津 and walked about their cultural street (wen hua jie) 文化街, which looked like any other Chinatown I've ever been to. And had lunch and snacks at that dreaded Food Street (shi pin jie) 食品街 where I think was the source of my food poisoning misery! YUCK.
Anyway we took the bullet train back to beijing in the late afternoon and the journey that took 2 hours of bus ride there was only about 45 minutes back by bullet train! It was travelling at 330m/s most of the time!

It totally felt like an airplane inside(:

We then spent the evening at the famous Silk Street 秀水街 (which was actually just a rundown mall) and let me tell you, I had the worst worst shopping experience in there EVER. I already hate messy marketplace layouts. Added on to that was touting, shouting, nudging and really really rude haggling. I absolutely hate haggling. I'd gladly pay more for the same thing at Orchard cos at least the salesgirls don't tug at your sleeve and give you dirty looks when you change your mind. And I didn't even know the price range to BEGIN haggling!!! One stall would offer me 400yuan ($80) for a grey 3/4 coat and another started at 1000yuan ($200) for the EXACT same one. I didn't get to buy alot from Beijing cos my stress and uncomfort levels shot up after just walking around for 30 minutes. If anyone's going to Beijing, I suggest they DON'T GO TO SILK STREET. Seriously the salesgirls there are so so horrible and extremely rude and loud. When I came back to Singapore and shopped, I actually realised our service wasn't that bad at all! Anyone who complains about bad service in Singapore should totally go to Beijing's Silk Street and see what incredibly bad service is like!

Day 8: D-DAY

OH HOME SWEET HOME(:

So You Think You Can Dance FOUR

2010-01-03T10:34:00.003Z

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to PRIYA and a big HOORAH to the awesome glam magic you managed to sprinkle onto Orchard Road on New Year's Eve! She was in a hot pink sequinned and totally FIERCE beyonce-ish dress we bought and forced her to wear(: although we didnt have to force her much because i know she secretly loves it! haha(:

anyway, oh gosh i know sharifah's gonna kill me for not blogging about beijing first, but AXN's been showing So You Think You Can Dance season 4 and i just HAVE to talk about it(: this week's down to the final 6 i think, and even though i can easily watch everything online, i am forever loyal to the dear television and will abide by its weekly set timings like a good girl(: so anyway, i think season 4 has got to be my favourite season so far because i love THREE dancers which is pretty rare cos i usually root for one person. KATEE, JOSHUA and TWITCH!

Joshua, Chelsie, Mark, KATEE!, TWITCH!, and Courtney.

I actually like everyone in top 6 but Courtney maybe cos I feel like she's too small and her movements don't impact me as much as the others.

Tadaaa...My Favourite Dances(:

Katee and Joshua in a Hip Hop routine (No Air)

oh gosh Katee just takes my breath away in this one. Her feet and body movements are sooo light and effortless! SO PRETTY. and as usual, Joshua's the strong figure to support the whole thing! My FAVE hip hop performance! (apart from Sexy Love by Allison and Ivan in season 2)

Katee and Joshua in a Contemporary routine (Hometown Glory)

That running sequence across the stage just sends goosebumps ALL OVER my body! lovely(:

Katee and Twitch in a Contemporary routine (Mercy)

Twitch just makes me laugh throughout! It's so funny the way he's dancing like the "cool player"! It's no surprise why this piece was emmy nominated!

Twitch and Kherington in a Contemporary routine (Dreaming With A Broken Heart)

This is my favourite contemporary piece of all time! Love every moment. Isn't Mia Michaels like the ultimate contemporary queen OF ALL TIME?!?!?!

Chelsie and Mark in a Hip Hop routine (Bleeding Love)

Another awesome Emmy-nominated piece! But somehow i still like No Air better cos i feel like Mark doesn't seem to have much of a role in here. Anyway the choreography is still really cool! Sharifah, Queen of Dance! You should learn this one and teach me again! Like SEXYBACK the last time(:

Katee and Joshua in a Lyrical piece (Slow Dancing in a Burning Room)

Ah okay i haven't seen this on the telly, but i couldn't help myself(: Once again i couldn't take my eyes off katee! She's so in control of her body when she dances. Both of them were such a strong pair throughout the competition, not even dropping to bottom few EVER. And my heart instantly melted when she was like, "Joshua's my boo" AWWWWW!!!

So PEOPLE! You NEED to catch So You Think You Can Dance season 4! BEST SEASON EVER(:

I'm Off

2009-12-16T14:17:00.002Z

Caught in the eye of a hurricane
Slowly waving goodbye like a pageant parade
So sick of this town pulling me down...
Have you ever been so lost?

I am unbelievably tired of writing my personal essays... personal ESSAYSSSS with many many SSSSSes mind you. A huge part of me already knows I don't stand a chance. But an even greater part of me knows that Singapore no longer holds anything for me because the local unis are just going to be another extremely dull extension of JC. That's incredibly far from a fulfilling college experience.

"Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you"
Hmm let's see. I'm mediocre. I'm boring. I just did everything the education system expected out of me. And I have survived. Here I am.
Can you please please please accept me(:(:(:

I'm glad I'm going off to Beijing tmr, even though it will leave me with only 5 days till the end of the year which is cutting it very thin till the application deadlines. I need to get away from here.

Dreams From Disasters

2009-12-10T14:56:00.004Z

This week was turning out to seem like the most horrid week ever. With my pre-prom shopping mad rush, to the most disappointing and boring prom ever (again) to the potential H1N1 bug that's just killing me... Still, there are two people in my life who just helped me through it all, and even made me feel like i'm on cloud nine(:

One is a girl who was sweet enough to offer time to help me get my shoes on the morning of prom day itself, and lend a listening ear till 2am to hear me out while I cried about what didn't happen.

Another is a boy who has held this title in my books for close to two years and now, has been the gentleman to bring some happiness into my life. He doesn't even realise what a difference his small actions make to my entire day(:

So now that i think about it, maybe prom wasn't the end, but the beginning(:

Far From Happy, Even Further From Freedom

2009-12-02T13:54:00.005Z

i just f-ed up my nails and f-ed up my prom dress shopping and f-ed up everything i f-ing wanted to do, because of all these things 'not happening' and i'm incredibly not where i f-ing thought i'd be right now.

i fucking don't want to go...

The Best Times

2009-11-26T07:25:00.005Z

If there was an award for the most pathetic facebook account, I'll try to keep my acceptance speech under 2 minutes... my facebook is like pathetic, no not pathetic in a funny way, pathetic in a downright pathetic way. my display picture was from two years ago and I have yet to write anything on any 'wall'. ah who cares really. i hate such techno-ways of connecting with friends when the most satisfying way would be to call each other up, meet up at a nice cafe, and talk it out. Anyway I saw dinah and mastura write on my wall and it probably led to my dream last night. It was the most awesome dream, I really wish it'd come true.

So it took place in this beautiful and grand theatre in Prague or somewhere in Europe, and all the Playmakers were rehearsing for a play we were going to put up for the public! It kind of started with priya and i outside the theatre doors, whispering and hoping we weren't going to get in trouble for being really late for rehearsal. And then when we sneaked in, everyone on stage stopped and saw us and next thing you know, Mrs Kamal came running towards us and gave us a big hug! It was so amazing. Like everyone was doing their THING again. Mas was in the most colourful and sequined outfit, Sharifah was totally in-the-zone doing vocal warm ups and Dinah and Nithiya were directing everything, it WAS absolutely cool.
The rest of the dream kind of blurred off with us all together touring the European town, but oh my gosh. When I woke up, this strong sense of nostalgia just overcame me. I was digging up everything to do with Anderson and more importantly, ATC and I realised looking back at those four years in drama, the tears and the laughter and the major bitching (you know we were), those times will always be the best times of my life. There's really nothing that can compare. The weird Chinese Opera trainers and THAT SONG, the Nutella fight late into the night at the temp block classrooms, the pep talk Mas gave me and sharifah for Hungry, Faris singing some creepy malay song at Speech Day to scare everyone in the dark, the most funnest ever charades games before drama, the impersonations of teachers prasaanth did, the numerous mini acts we had to come up with during camp, the 'para-para', us girls and the guys switching between titanic and the world cup in adelaide, the My Humps dance we made up and put in Am I, THE cold shoulder (shrug shrug), certain people calling me mean!, and of course, as awful as it may sound, all the bitching.
The times in drama were the times we all laughed so hard till our stomachs hurt and we needed to pee! haha(: I loved every moment of it and its kind of sad that even if we can do all those things when we meet up now, its never gonna be the same as when we were in Anderson. And I just absolutely miss that. I feel like I want to collect all those wonderful moments and store them safely in a box where I can treasure and experience them forever. Well, I guess I'm just really missing everyone. A levels makes me feel lonely, confined and...fat. ONE MORE PAPER(:

Who knew us nut-jobs would turn out just fine. Miss everyone(:

Final Stretch!

2009-11-02T05:13:00.001Z

Yesterday I dared to struggle, Today I dare to win!

the final stretch......

Graduation is here!

2009-10-20T09:57:00.001+01:00

Finally, it's Graduation Day tomorrow(:
The day I've been waiting for ever since I set foot in Hwa Chong.

Goodbye Prelims, Hello A Levels!

2009-10-01T15:21:00.006+01:00

Felt really good to meet up with sharifah, priya and dinah bee again after way too long(: it always reminds me of the fun we will have after As. And dear rachael tang all the way from australia texted me today which made me feel super. Other than trying to re-settle myself to study after the tragic prelims, all the overseas university applications stuff are making me feel lost, confused and kind of silly. I mean, which university in the right mind would want me. And its not like i even have the basic academics down yet. I'm so unprepared and so pathetic. Actually all i want is for those US or UK universities to come offer me a spot! No hassle of application forms and verifying (what little) achievements! Haha what are the chances pur-lease.

On another note, i'm so easily annoyed by so many people that its getting kind of ridiculous. Not sure what's up with me. Like i feel like a bitch sometimes when mean thoughts pop into my head, but i really can't help it can i. Oh gosh imagine if i ever were to say them out loud...

Anyway i realised something after priya and bee came over to my place today. I think i've really outgrown that Anderson Sec gossip on everyone in JC and all, even though i've been totally oblivious to it all this time. Don't get me wrong! There's without a doubt i like hearing the gossip, but then there's that stale, extremely bland aftertaste. Like, oh...kay. I think its because i didn't even keep in contact with those people, so it hardly bothers me anymore. And i always thought a little drama in my life wouldn't hurt, oh how wrong was i huh.

Hmm well, all that should matter to me from now on are my STUDIES. I really strongly think its so worth being extremely focused and supremely serious now since its only about 5 more weeks to As. OMG 5 MORE WEEKS TO A LEVELS! everything after that will be heaven(: HEAVEN PEOPLE, HEAVEN!

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall ~Confucius

Not Yet The End

2009-09-27T09:15:00.001+01:00

I see the light.
I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Oh wait.
No, that's just my study lamp nagging at me to hit the books.

ZOMBIE

2009-08-23T11:55:00.001+01:00

i am completely a zombie if you've never seen one before.
and i'm so damn tired, i really need to die.
i've learnt to keep my mouth shut and ignore it then.
suppress all that and then cry it out when no one's looking.
because i just hate to hear myself whine.
but i am so damn tired.

"they say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting"

Relapse

2009-07-31T16:19:00.002+01:00

i can't believe
i went looking for it again.
i am so sorry to all those promises i made.
as much as i regret it, i think it was so necessary then.
3 days of crying only made my eyes dry and raw.
i was reduced to that. i was at my wits end.

and now... i am liberated, i am reborn and i am ready.
i hope i am ready.

at night i pray, that soon your face will fade away.

post-BT2

2009-07-13T15:00:00.003+01:00

ooh i can't wait for wednesday to see bee and priya again... i miss them so much.

anyway i am convinced that the school is absolutely filthy and gross.
that's why my facial treatment isn't working as well once school started):
yuck yuck yuck.
and it's wonderful how my perceptions have changed.
i'm not sure if they've changed for better or worse, but i feel good.
even though i've YET to pass any papers i've gotten back,
i will maintain FOCUS cos Prelims are my goal!
every day is a new day,
i don't have time to live in those memories anymore(:

oh how i miss HIM.

Goodbye Michael Jackson

2009-06-27T08:01:00.006+01:00

Michael Jackson was my hero when I was a child.
He and his music were everything to me.
He was always The Legend I'd thought would live forever.
And now that he's gone,
I feel like a great part of my childhood has died.
(in a way, I've yet to really believe it)

Rest In Peace Michael Jackson.
Forever in our hearts, The King of Pop.

Like A Comet
Blazing Cross The Evening Sky
Gone Too Soon

Like A Rainbow
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye
Gone Too Soon
... ...
Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon
Gone Too Soon...

STUDY STUDY

2009-06-24T14:56:00.005+01:00

study. study. study. fail to kill myself. study. study. cry. study. cry. sleep.
study. cry. study. try again to kill myself. fail to. study. study. cry. sleep.
study. study. wish i was dead. study. cry. cry more. study. study. sleep.

no wonder i don't have enough time to study...

The World is Dead

2009-06-21T15:52:00.002+01:00

Either i've shut myself away from the world so well,
Or everyone around me has somewhat died.

Strangely i'm banking on the fact that schools are gonna close for a week cos of the flu, and then our blocks will get pushed back, which gives me a little more hope of finishing what i'm supposed to study. but sadly that means delayed fun):

Yup i'm pretty sure the world is dead.

A Burden Has Been Lifted!

2009-06-06T14:44:00.011+01:00

A Burden Has Been Lifted! (in many ways)

oh my gosh i'm FINALLY done with SAT): i've been feeling kind of pressured cos i've "wasted" my 1st week on june hols ONLY on SAT...so its scary that others are mugging like mad for BT2 and i've yet to start): i don't know HOW i can complete everything in just 3 weeks!

But who cares! it's my day off today...and probably till the weekend is over(:
Happy day-off to Priya too! Congrats on taking off those braces after a short year plus!
and Happy 19th Birthday to dear Sharifah! I can't wait for us to hang out and SHOP(:

hmm alot has happened i guess.

My great grandfather passed away and i couldn't go back to KL because of school on tuesday. it was quite upsetting and i broke down a little in school. he was a very strong man who even managed to pull through his birthday to be 101 years old according to the chinese calender. apparently everyone wore red at the funeral... i still wished i could be there.

My cousin got married last Sunday and she looked so pretty(: Drove over to JB over that weekend for the wedding. and i got to see my other cousin's cute son (cousin nephew is it?) Edison.

look at that wedding gown of layers!

Me, the hyperactive Edison and my evil brother.

Oh i went to the Harlem Globetrotters game on 17th May!!! (Dinah Bee's Birthday!) it was funny and pretty entertaining(: my favourite players are Airport (cos he's just really really GOOD) and Sweet Pea (cos he's like a small bundle of energy - small compared to the others and this guy who was SEVEN FOOT THREE!) i wanna learn how to play basketball! HAHA:P

AND I'm Legally Eighteen! haha. thanks to my class and especially the girls for a great surprise at the canteen, and yes the kisses from pea and nicole-who couldn't RESIST(: thanks to my old friends for eventually finding some time so we can all meet up again to celebrate(: send me the photos! haha.

That's what i go to school for:P

I think most importantly at the start of the June Hols, is that i feel liberated(:
I'm finally able to let go of something i once thought was important to me, but now i realise that the feeling is gone and there's little use for me hoping and wishing it'd come back. Things change, feelings change and sometimes, people change too. I might as well let go of something i never really had in the first place(: I FEEL GREAT(:

~~~

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for My Happy Ending.

Green-not-works

2009-05-01T16:02:00.003+01:00

30th April GreenWorks

i cant even begin to say anything about it because my mind couldn't even be there. for the first two hours maybe, it was boring yet i was still so-so. but after 9pm, the few of us were away from the central plaza and i was in such an awful whirlwind of drama that, to put it plainly, it was a screwed up and totally messed up evening. i almost wish i hadn't gone for it.

why do i keep having these, 'me-against-the-world' feelings? and its all this shit that makes me just want to escape to the bermuda triangle and disappear from the face of this earth so that i can no longer be Jen Lee. i don't want to be this girl in this place in this country in this planet having to live this life. those aliens are so lucky huh. if any alien would like to abduct me, i'm your willing subject here.

Disappointment is the word of that day.
To quote dear xinyi, "love all. trust a few. do wrong to none."
i never imagined my last few days of being un-legal 17 to be so...shitty):

"well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say" - I'm Not Okay, My Chemical Romance forever \m/

2009-04-16T13:35:00.004+01:00

recently i've been BRIMMING with emotions! probably more in a good way than emo.
(like how i couldn't help but cry at waterpolo finals and that 'family' tv ad-which btw i've watched thrice and cried thrice...)

i'm appreciating everything and everyone, paying attention to the little details in life(:

because everyone needs to seriously CHILL. yea i know I need to BUCK UP in my studies and blah blah but...come on, when am i gonna enjoy my life if not now? NOW(:

and i love Erin Lucas, from MTV's The City(:

HEY COME CLOSE, i am radiating good vibes people!

2009-03-27T14:34:00.003Z

on the bus home in the evening on wed, after talking for hours and hours with shu hui, char and xinyi at island cream:
(alighting with sham, who i met on the bus)
sham's njc junior: (stares at me several times)
me: (wondering if there's smth on my face thats making her stare at me)
sham's njc junior: (finally speaking) no wonder i found your face so familiar!
me: (smiles awkwardly) oh?
sham's njc junior: you were that drama girl, in anderson!

me with a big grin(: yup those were the days...

2009-03-26T14:12:00.003Z

there's must be something wrong with me.
why do i have this stubborn inability to cheer up on my 'sad' days?
its so insensitive and i'm very sorry to all the moods i brought down with me today.
tomorrow will be a better day, i promise. TGIF.

training with coach irfan tmr. yay. not that i dont like the usual coach, but coach irfan reminds me of my happier childhood days, when i didnt need to be good in tennis to really enjoy it:/

i can't explain whatever i'm feeling.
like they say, you have to be here to truly understand...
hmm if i may quote something extremely true from char's blog,
-when everyone has everyone else, will you be left alone?-
probably. but hwachong's already thrown its worst at me last year.

JENLEE IS STRONG AND WILL NOT LET SILLY THINGS AFFECT HER.

but if you could just call...that'll be great really.

2009-03-13T14:23:00.004Z

i feel...(in a word) relieved.
eveything's going well and Friday the 13th wasn't such an unlucky day to wind down the week. in fact i was quite happy(: for once, today's physics paper didn't bore me-at least i could do some questions. and 'lunch' was interesting... as always we(poon nick hongyao shuhui wayne felix mc lina and i) can never really make decisions, and went from our decision of serene to kap to ordering pizza to CANTEEN FOOD finally:/ ahh well... and even though tennis was a killer, i actually felt GOOD after getting some long-needed exercise! saw clement in school AGAIN, wanting to play tennis but couldnt cos we were training... and cabbed with zhuo xuan cos we live quite near each other and were very tired from training. and i spent the rest of my evening watching TV and preparing dinner cos my parents weren't home from work): YAY TV:D
anyways, i didnt really feel like going for JTS this sunday, but lina and her games have convinced me(: and everyone's been talking about Abner's(S6C junior) place! i wanna check it out(:

Lying Hurts

2009-03-05T15:03:00.002Z

Lying Hurts.
Coming up with lame reasons.
I'm very very sorry...
But i just can't bring myself to tell you all the truth.

Thanks to everyone who helped me through wednesday.
<3

2009-03-01T09:33:00.006Z

technically, i'm supposed to be really happy today.
my mind is willing but my heart is so reluctant. i really don't know why):
maybe its the pouring rain. the thunder and the lightning.
maybe its my flu which resurfaced after last night's frustrating hour in the rain, trying to get a cab with shuhui, poon and hongyao.
maybe its the thought of starting another week of school, all over again.
maybe its my tiredness of this routine life.
maybe its my disappointment once again...

on another note, alot of my past reconnected with me recently.
like i've finally talked to Stella again after 3 years since she had to leave anderson.
and how Priya's such a rebel, breaking school property. haha im kidding girl(: its was an accident! but no punishment would compare to the 18 hours of detention we had to finish huh:D
and somehow, i find comfort in watching old videos we used to take secretly in class or in the toilet.
and i love indie music more than ever now.

oh well. New life, Old me. i'm sorry i'm just a little torn up inside.
its just that...J2 is such a tough year and it'd sure help alot if you guys were by my side, like how we conquered the Os, from the special help 'diamonds' to doing so awesomely well...

well this was STJ. i saw it on our junior's facebook and the photos are awesome. he's so pro(:

"there's blood in my mouth cos i've been biting my tongue all week" - Portions for Foxes

ydnaceye

2009-02-20T15:10:00.002Z

my top secret operation "BIG A" starts...ermm...on MONDAY! yes(:
codename ydnaceye
cue *evil laugh* MUAHAHAHA this is so funnay!!!

school is boring and im just occupying myself really.
it doesnt really mean as much to me as you THINK it may.
weee...im feeling very very good today(:(:(:

사랑해요 (sa-rang-hae-yo) everybody!!!

2009-02-17T14:25:00.002Z

VALENTINES EVE:
gave out flowers to my dear class girls and passed around my homemade brownies in school:P my mood wasn't exactly as high as i would have hoped for in the morning...but it was ok. at least i wasn't throwing tantrums! then LESSONS LESSONS LESSONS. the mood in hc was weird...didnt feel like the Valentines we had last year. maybe its cos we didnt start the angel-mortal thing yet): oh econs lecture kind of lifted my spirits a little! my class girls are SO CRAZY! every one of them...except me:P haha. but by the end of chem lab i was reminded of TWO unpleasant events and i was half-disappointed, half-freaking out. luckily a phone call to dear dinah bee saved me(:

VALENTINES:
my dad had this 'party' to treat his colleagues so i invited sharifah, priya and elizabeth (who was back from melbourne!) to come over and finish the catered food. HAHA no just kidding...they specially came to hang out(: it was so uplifting seeing the usual peeps at my place, and seeing eli again! (i shall upload photos once i get them from eli) lots of girl talk as always and all that talk about the old days(:
and after eli and priya left first, and the company ppl slowly streamed out of the house, sharifah and i played the usual pool and AS USUAL, her trustee ipod supplied us with korean entertainment:D AND she gave me her most valued advice too(:
i guess Valentines wasn't all that bad. it really makes me appreciate my closest friends, the people who really matter in my life.

But just for a little while, i'd love to be in your shoes...

PMS-ing

2009-01-23T14:05:00.004Z

Two hours ago i was going to write out an extremely angry post
One hour ago i was in a pool of tears of frustration
Half an hour ago i was emo and filled with sadness
Five minutes ago i felt comforted and happy
And now i'm just very very very tired.
(i'm SO not kidding, this was the worst moodswing i've ever had!)

welcome to the life of a female:/

2009-01-11T11:33:00.007Z

year 2009. hmm i'm glad 2008 is over cos it was pretty dreadful most of the time, but i'm not at all looking forward to 2009, with a levels and all): i can't wait for 2010(: a whole new chapter of my life(:
my december holidays were pretty relaxing. i went to the secluded beaches of malaysia alot. really needed that kind of a retreat(: and i got to meet up with my wonderful friends! even rachael from australia came back this hols.

My Getaway---

"brocolli island"

the hibiscus, Malaysia's national flower and i think i did an awesome job capturing this photo!

the small propeller plane we took to get to Tioman Island

me and the airport cat. IT came up to ME(:

New Year's Day at Marina Barrage---

our exclusive boat ride back from the marina barrage(:

Nithiya's and Priya's surprise birthday cum new year's day get-together---

Fauzi actually saw us and invited himself! haha.

the 'Seoul' sisters:D

---had a blast with dinah bee and sharifah hanging out at my place, playing pool, eating ice cream and watching soppy korean movie-A Moment to Remember(: not to forget, taking spastic pictures on dinah's laptop!

---and had a last minute relxation day with sharifah after tennis training on friday at castle green! so much girl talk and her totally awesome homemade tuna sandwiches! swimming, sauna and another korean movie(:

---and most the rest of the holidays were spent on the idiot box watching desperate housewives, 90210, lots of travel&living and my current obsession, Iljimae(:(:(: i think i have Lee Jun Ki's eyes:D HAHA! yea right...if only i could be half as pretty as he is!

gahh school's here...I HATE SCHOOL):

A Fine Frenzy

2008-12-14T11:27:00.004Z

6 hours until,
i have to pick my brother,
1am from the airport.

[Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tear storming sea,
That would show you, that would make you hurt like me.
All the same
I don't want mudslinging games
It's such a shame
To let you walk away.
Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?]
- Ashes and Wine by A Fine Frenzy

totally LOVE her lyrics and her songs(:

100X Strut

2008-12-11T08:20:00.017Z

its been ages since i blogged and gone online. i guess i enjoy cutting myself away from the internet...so that it doesnt remind me of the fact that the holidays are ENDING): how saddening): i dont wish to face reality again):

so last saturday was an incredible day for me(: took my SATS in the morning at anderson jc. freaking 4hours and the passages were so boring. how can anyone write two passages on migratory butterfiles?!?! and then right after the paper, my fellow model yangzi and i, had to frantically catch a cab to Chapter2 at Marina Square to do our hair and makeup for the 100X Sturt thingy we were modelling for(: I was so incredibly happy that i could FIT into my dress by Rusty Buttons! haha. OH and i was secretly grinning the whole time at the salon cos my hair stylist kind of looked like Jerry Yan(:(:(: (haha too much influence from my recent taiwan drama craze, Hot Shot!!!) he used up a whole can of hairspray on my vintage bun hairstyle, and it didnt even hurt at all. i was so surprised at how painless it was compared to my years of agony when bunning my hair for ballet! AND my hair looked FAB:D

100X Strut at Bugis Junction was so awesome! i totally enjoyed myself and surprisingly, there were many people standing around to watch the event! it was so fun to be a model for a day! like thinking of the poses, cautiously trying not to trip over wires while doing a decent catwalk etc. AND my ever-so supportive and totally awesome besties, sharifah and priya, came and stayed throughout the whole event! I LOVE YOU BOTH!!! and I LOVE dinah bee TOO! for calling to check on me and support me, even when she had a test that day(: i promise i WILL take you guys out for an official TREAT soon...

so after the event, sharifah, priya and i went to Swensens to celebrate and while i went in to book the table first, the waitress was like, "hey, you modelled just now right? i was watching!" HAHA. yay im a star:P LOL.

saturday was probably one of the best days i've had. felt like something out of The Hills(: haha. and i didnt even think of him the whole day...until evening that is. i agree with sharifah, 2009 can either rocket sky-high for me or sink down into the ditch.

ignore the failed pout and admire the hairstyle 'Jerry Yan' did for me(:

it has 3 different layers combed in different directions(:

like i'm at a dead-end road
i have nothing left to do anymore.

2008-11-19T13:49:00.005Z

This week was girl-talk week(:(:(:

2008-11-15T08:04:00.002Z

i wish i could take back what i said
i didn't even mean it
i'm sorry and i miss you(:

2008-11-10T06:59:00.008Z

Tennis. Settler's cafe with class, ECP later, feeling pukey. Throat feels like hell, doc says throat walls are swelling majorly. sick sick sick. Burnout Legends is so addictive. My first perfect chocolate mousse. Athena pirates fac event, 3 meatballs, some truth or dare and that feeling again. Gym and a whole night of laughs, Saturday Night Live and Whose Line Is It Anyway. Parents anniversary, malaysia, shopped for food, clothes and houses for retirement. more tennis.
i'd say my holidays are pretty stress-free(:

Wooh my fave house-

the house is quite a comfy size, but the area around it is just fantastic! the lot is so spacious. and it'll be safe in malaysia since the house is like within this whole fenced up estate for bungalows. i like the brick walls and glass doors for the dining area... and the view! the house is at the upper part of a hill so you can see the horizon and mountains and stuff. and it will overlook a man-made lake in the future(:

Wooh my current nail colour obsession-

my two latest nail purchases in just a week.
Blue-Black from The Face Shop and Glossy-Brown from Sasa.

Accidental Expectations (posted)

2008-11-05T03:45:00.007Z

I have something to get off my chest. its not so much directed to anyone in particular...at least i think its not.

I AM human, and i cant help but have expectations.
Though you have nothing to prove or show to me.
But i guess somehow, no matter how hard i try,
I will always have this anticipation, of you going to do something great.

But when you don't, oh i feel like my world is tumbling down.
I feel so wasted. I feel like shit really.
And you don't even realise that.
I would give a fortune for your thoughts and your feelings.
I just want you to know, that i will be here for you.
And i will understand or at least try to.
I am here with open arms my friend.

My mind bundles up our good times
And replays them over and over again in my head.
Its scary how fast things can change.

2008-10-21T13:47:00.002+01:00

i've been feeling very happy with just a tinge of sad(: no its not my promo results cos they kind of suck...but i've been feeling a little guilty for being happy without any reason, when so many people are sad. with all the promo results, project work, the idea of J2 etc etc.
i guess for the past few days, i just feel connected to more and more people. i feel like i am trusted by more people, and likewise i can put my trust in more people...
maybe it really takes me a year to settle and finally let the real friends rise to the top(:(:(: