May

Today is the 1st of May, which usually starts off my countdown to my birthday.

Except this year, I'm dreading it. It's like I'm just one person, trying to stop this huge boulder as it's rolling down hill. I can try my very best to prolong it, but inevitably, that 20th mark is going to come rolling down. I think that's what growing old is like.

Hitting that two-zero mark has really got me thinking about life, my life so far and my future. From now on, everything I do, I will be seen as an adult. You can say, "Oh look at that youthful 19 year old!". No one says "Oh look at that youthful 20 year old". It just doesn't fit anymore. Being 19 was so enjoyable for me. Legal enough to be cool about it, yet young enough to get away with anything. 19 is good, I want to stay 19 forever.

It has me thinking about the events that have happened in the last decade. And woahhh, ALOT has happened. There's just way too much to say from when I was 10 till now when I'm turning 20! Where do I even begin!? But I would think that it was my prime decade. Growing up and learning so much about life. Becoming the person I am today.

And then it has me thinking about the events that are (maybe) going to happen. Graduation, the end of life as a student ( sad): ), working life, moving out of my family home, setting the path of my life, and uh ohhh, potentially getting married. I've been thinking about that alot too (with the royal wedding rubbing it in everyone's faces), and I've realised. From now on, every relationship could be a potential marriage. (That is probably THE line that would scare all guys away!) But it's true! No more high school crushes and flings (not that I had any). It's serious love from your 20s onwards. And I really don't want to end up settling for someone just because I'm getting old. But then again, if you end the relationship especially a long one, wouldn't you have wasted the good part of your twenties? I don't want to get married when I'm 40):

Oh my god... This is depressing.

Look forward Jen. Think positive.

Anyway, so now I'm entering a new decade, and I want to begin this decade with a goal in mind. I don't really have a proper goal yet, but I just want the 30 year old me (OH MY GAWD 30, I get chills just thinking about that) to look back at this decade I am about to embark on, and say, "Jen, you really nailed that decade."