Other Girls

Being a girl is difficult, being around other girls is even more, especially for long periods of time.

I'm supposed to put up with mood swings, tempers, insecurities, paranoia, suspicions, excessive emotions and yes, even bitching turns annoying sometimes. Why must it be the concern of the whole world that she's throwing a little tantrum?

Better off alone... Or with guys.

Alone But Not Lonely

Sometimes it's hard to talk to people.

And it's during those times that I like to resort to talking to myself. Because you will never judge yourself like other people tend to do. You can be as completely honest and unreasonable as you like.

The soft caress of French songs by Carla Bruni helping in the process of being alone.

And this, frankly, feels absolutely serene and comforting. Like floating face up in the middle of a blue open sea, with its swaying currents wrapping you in a warm embrace.

A Classic Romance

I am still so consumed by this film, I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this on the plane back home from London. Have been re-playing some of my favourite scenes through youtube, but I certainly need to watch the entire film again. It even motivates me to read the book, and at the risk of sounding incredibly shallow, I don't get convinced to read literary books very easily.

I actually saw the trailer way before, but it portrayed the film to be something more haunting and depressing than a romance story, so I decided to give it a pass. But seeing that it was showing on the plane and that I would not pay to watch it anywhere else, I gave it a try.



And I gladly ate my words and loved the film so much. It was so refreshing, especially the kind of subtle romance of the olden era. How I loathe the sexually-obsessed nature of romance films nowadays. Gosh, I absolutely fell for Mr. Rochester! Michael Fassbender was stunningly convincing. Who cares if my vision of an ideal man just rocketed to 'completely unrealistic'...



Furthermore, the soundtrack for the film was absolutely amazing, perfect for the type of romance. Dario Marianelli (also featuring Jack Liebeck) must be some kind of musical genius because even listening to one of the soundtracks now invokes so many emotions inside of me. Awaken is particularly beautiful. I loved the music so much that I stayed on the film throughout the credits because it was just that captivating.



Anyway, I would highly recommend the film, and Mia Wasikowska is now officially one of my favourite actresses. On top of the maturity of her acting, I love her unique look that seems to fit in so well with the character of Jane Eyre. And isn't it a nice change not to see Keira Knightley in yet another 19th Century British romance?

Decisions Decisions

Hello, it's been a while hasn't it?

Always seem to come back here at times when I most shouldn't. Times of stress and loneliness. Actually I'm just really tired. I'm nevertheless content, but I'm exhausted with everything.

Been to a bunch of presentations by firms in the past few days, and have had several sleepless nights pondering over my future. The opportunities are exciting and daunting at the same time.

Choices and decisions seem to be an inescapable part of life. Private firm or public sector? UK or Singapore? Prestige or practicality? Fame or fortune?

Damn it, I just wished I wasn't so bloody indecisive.

One Girl, Big House

I've been emailing and texting a ton of people about my first day back here. In a way, I feel so alone here right now, that I just need some sort of reply to my problems. Maybe that's why I didn't think to blog when I was bawling my eyes out last night. I already feel lonely enough.

Anyway it's 4.50am now, which means its 11.50am in Singapore. Which probably explains why I woke up (not that I even got much sleep in the first place). I can't even busy myself with packing because it is impossible for me to find my boxes here. And impossible for me to try and get them in that pile with everyone else's. I can't even find my utensils for food. I want a hot coffee so badly.

Argh enough about my stupid pathetic first day. Today's a new day, and after a hell lot of ranting on emails and somewhat getting a bit of sleep, I'm not too upset anymore. Today's gonna be a much much better day because most of my housemates are coming in. Which means we can fumble over all these stupid things together.

Definitely appreciate the importance of company now.

Summer Ends

Last day at home before my flight tonight.



I feel a sense of calm. I'm ready to start the new school year; new house and just a different experience all together.

Summer has been fantastic. My wonderfully loving family, awesome close friends, eating and shopping and eating some more. I'm starting to realise Singapore will always feel like home to me. Even though initially there was some getting used to when I arrived, Singapore will eventually always feel like home. And I'm coming home so soon (during Christmas), it almost feels as though I'm just leaving for a vacation.

Oh well, now back to the cold gloomy British weather!

It's a change and I'm ready for more adventure (:

Down And Hurt

Things are kind of crumbling in these few days before I'm going back to the UK.

Yesterday, while Sharifah was at my place for a sleepover, my dog bit my wrist pretty hard. And it was such a sudden attack while I was calmly patting him. Oh well, it's not the first time. Anyway, this morning when I woke up, my right hand was numb and the wrist swelled to the size of a baseball. A red baseball in fact. And the bite wounds all had disgusting yellow pass oozing out of them. I can barely feel my fingers and use my right hand at all. Wondering if I should go see a doctor or if this is just part of the healing process? I hope this heals in time:S

And later, to my family's amazement, I still gave Scrappy a nice relaxing comb in the evening.

I don't blame him for acting on his animal instincts really... But other things just made everything worse.

In the afternoon today, I decided to go get a quick trimming of my hair, just to get an inch off my hair and maybe neaten up my bangs a bit. And oh my god, seriously, I think hairdressers should all just shut up and listen and stop thinking that they know better, because they DON'T! That annoying woman cut so much off my hair, that its at a horribly awkward shoulder-ish length!!! AND she freaking cut off SO MUCH of my bangs, I look like an idiotic china doll. The ones with extremely short bangs that go above their eyebrows. WTF SERIOUSLY?!?! Does she not know the meaning of TRIMMING?!?! I knew I should have just asked her to stay away from my bangs. I exited the hair salon nearly in tears and with all my fringe clipped up.

So yes, I had this amazing vision of me feeling totally renewed and rocking awesome new bangs as I went back to the UK and started this new year of school, but now that's clearly down the drain. I don't know if the wounds will heal fast enough, my hair makes me look like shit and to add to the crappiness, my face is breaking out with some acne. Fuck hormones.

So more than ever, I don't want to go back now. I'm absolutely not ready. I want to stay at home where I can heal my face and let my hair grow back to normal without having to face the world yet. I want to stay here, where my mum would gently nurse my wound in the morning, where my dad would pack meals back for me cos he knows I don't feel good leaving the house, and where my brother would crack silly jokes just to cheer me up. And I know he caused me to be in this world of pain in my hand now, but I don't want to leave Scrappy. That furry, loving dog that will look at me with those teary puppy-dog eyes and bury his head into my lap, almost as if he was sorry for what he did to me.

I don't want to leave my home. I'm not ready to be alone right now ):

Machu Picchu

When they release lyrics and artworks like this, is it any wonder why The Strokes are my favourite band in the world?

Awkwardly Cool

[MGMT - Flash Delirium]

I remember when I first heard this song and thought it was just another boring electro-pop tune. But there was something that kept drawing me back to it and the more I listened to it, the more complex the beats and rhythms became and I've been addicted ever since(:

P.S. It most certainly helps if one didn't watch the music video for the song before first listening to the song. I initially found myself bombarded with too many strange visuals that just distracted me from the music.

But in any case, yes it's a rather weird video.

Awkward

I'm not sure where I got this idea from, but I've always thought it was good to be awkwardly cool.

Maybe it's those 'inspirational' stories of high school weirdos that turned out to be so successful later in life. Or maybe it's the recent MGMT musical influences (seriously, how do those boys make strange music sound sooo good?) But in any case, I've always thought that being unique and different was cool. Perhaps I was just justifying my own awkwardness or purely making myself feel better.

But as much as I always try to tell myself that, when I am actually in that uncomfortable position in reality, it's not so easy to be so confident in my own awkwardness. When I am around a bunch of strangers, and especially when they're already in a group of their own, I am this embarassed and soft-spoken girl, highly insecure about her appearance and her lack of ability to be outgoing and sociable. I usually feel like running away and hiding in an enclosed space.

I don't know, it's not exactly that I'm shy. In a way, I just prefer not to be in that awkward position. It's only in more comfortable situations do I really open up and become more confident, like the things I've done in the past; theatre, debate (okay I didn't do so well in that one!), class chairperson and public presentations.

That's why I hate orientations. I hate the kind of weird, insecure person I become in orientations. And before my warwick orientation experience (which was so strangely pleasant), I've never had a pleasant orientation experience.

After all that is said, I just hope I adapt quickly into the office during my internship the week after next. Fingers crossed, I don't turn into the office's shy weirdo.

Wish me luck(:

Good To Be Back

I'm home. I've been back home for a while now and of course that feels good.

Everything is so familiar again. This house, those streets and of course the people surrounding me. Everything just falls back into their old familiar place.

Yet as familiar as everything seems to be, I feel different. I feel awkward. It is almost as if this is an entirely separate life from a life I have led for the past few months. This is the Singapore me, and after a while, I will be going back to the UK me. This feels awkward.

Putting my personal reflections on the nitty-gritty aside, I'm glad to be back. I've missed home.

Things I have missed about Singapore:

• My family. I have forgotten to appreciate just how natural I can be around them. How non-judgemental they can be and how I don't feel the need to have to prove anything when I am with them. Not forgetting my dad's priceless sense of humour, my mum's concerned motherly-ness and my little brother's annoying stubborness when we talk about new music and "young people" stuff.
• My friends, good friends that is. Let's be honest, I don't have alot of friends. So it's just nice to get connected to the lives of my good friends here. It's nice to be able to have the option of going out with friends. Oh my, I sound quite pathetic! Haha. Anyway, I feel much less lonely now.
• FOOD! The variety and the price of food! As much as I love the baguettes and paninis I get in the UK, for those same 3 pounds, I can get a proper meal with rice or noodles. And I can even choose the kind of cuisine from such a wide variety. Living alone has also made me appreciate the convenience of getting food in Singapore. No slaving over the stove for one measly meal while I'm back!

On the other hand, I've kind of missed my life back in the UK:/

Things I miss about the UK:

• My independence. Not needing to answer to anyone and to be able to do anything I wanted. If I wanted to have ice cream for breakfast, I could. If I came home at 1am, no one was gonna care. I really felt that I had 100% full control over my life.
• The cool weather and changing seasons. I hate humidity and those hot and humid days here can just kill me. I loved being able to layer clothes and wear scarves in the UK, and walk for miles without breaking a sweat. And I have to say, the changing of seasons is quite exciting. Everyone starts wearing a new wardrobe, and days are just so different. The air and the surroundings just change and make me feel different.
• The friendliness. I think this is only especially in a smaller town like Coventry. Because in London, people weren't very friendly either. Worse so for Singapore. It was quite a rude shock when I first came back, but I guess I'm somewhat used to it now. It's amazing how cities can just make people so incredibly cranky and rude. People working in service don't greet you, people don't apologise and they certainly don't smile. The tall skyscapers and concrete walls are seriously destroying our humanity...

Anyway, I am not complaining. There's always the good and the bad wherever I choose to live.

For now, I'm home and I'm really content(:

"Last Nite"

Moving out is so exciting, yet so saddening.

To think that I still feel like I just arrived here, moving into my student accommodation, moving to the UK. In fact, that might have only been several blog posts back. And now I'm done with my first year of university and packing up to a new home. And now, I'm going back to Singapore for the summer(: The REAL home.



How time flies...